AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Yes, I still blog here DATE: 3/03/2010 08:46:00 AM ----- BODY:
Gratuitous picture of my beautiful boys. Bird always wants to hold Squeak. It's sweet and a little dangerous all at the same time. He's going to love his little brother to death if we don't watch out.

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Remember that last post? The one with the bullets? With this bullet in particular?
Yeah. The next day, I couldn't walk without help. We headed to the urgent care and found out that I had a nasty case of shingles.

Fair. Not. All that work to be back up and going right after Squeak's birth was hosed. I was down for the count for at least a week and have just now, almost 3 weeks later, gotten back to being able to handle a normal day of activity without my leg crying out in pain at the end of the day. The not very creative way to put it is that it completely sucked.

The salt in the proverbial wound is that my leg, which is currently one of two parts of my body that aren't pudgy (the other being my wrists), and is my husband's favorite part of me, is pretty scarred up now. I'm not sure if it's going to go away. I suppose only time will tell. I hope so, but I'll take the scars over the pain any day.

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This morning, Squeak and I are headed to our La Leche League meeting. Poor Bird is sick again, so he's staying home with his daddy. Bird had to be picked up from preschool yesterday, and by 5:00 this morning, I had him in a lukewarm bath trying to get his fever of 104 to break. He's better this morning, but I'm grateful that Kevin stayed home to help. Yesterday was not easy.

Anyway, I've been thinking about La Leche League and wondering if I might want to become a leader. In theory, I would love to. I'm just not sure that I'm "LLL enough" to be a leader. I'm pretty moderate in my parenting philosophies if you were to average them out. As in, we vaccinate on schedule for the most part, but an artificial nipple will not touch Squeak's lips. As in, we co-sleep until the baby is ready to move, but eventually we are going to do some sleep training if we need to. Basically, we do what works for our family, and at the end of the day, I think that might be "LLL enough," but I'm not sure.

I really believe though, that moms need support and encouragement to breastfeed successfully. If that is something I could do, I think I would like to. I'm a little fearful of the commitment also. Sound wishy washy? Yeah. I know.

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It's March, and I haven't written about Bird's second birthday. So many people just flat out ignored his birthday this year. I wasn't one of them, but I didn't do as much as I would have liked. But it hurt my feelings for him - being ignored for your birthday is rotten, even if you are only 2 and don't realize it yet. Hurts my mama heart.

That's all I'll say about that now. He deserves a full post for his big 2 year old day.

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Amazingly, I got to type all of this in one sitting and didn't have to hold any children while doing so. If I don't stop now, that will no longer be true. So I end here, with way too much left to say, and a severe lack of editing in this wad of words. My apologies.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Amy DATE:Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 10:24:00 AM EST Every LLL meeting I went to started with the leaders discussing that you hear many ideas but not all of them will work for your family. The goal is to do what works for you.

I think you'd be a GREAT leader. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 12:44:00 PM EST Shingles sucks! I had it when my kid was about seven months old. I hope you're feeling better. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Mem DATE:Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 6:53:00 PM EST you are exactly LLL enough! im not so LLL, well i'm more LLL now that i am a leader than when i was becoming one... BUT there are 12 guide lines that you have to believe in... they are really generalized and broad. one of the first parts of the process is to say- yes i believe the breast is best, here is why. and so on and so forth with the guide lines. go to an LA meeting and check it out- if i ever give birth i'll even go with you! i have an applicant right now so i'm on the up and up of requirements. you would make a great leader- fyi. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bren DATE:Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 1:51:00 PM EST You don't need to apologize at the end of your post! You have a newborn, a two-year-old, and are recovering from shingles which plainly said - suck! I didn't know of blogs when my kids were little, but lets just say I wouldn't have had the energy or creative juices to write at this stage. And I didn't have shingles. So hats off to you. Good to read how your family is doing. Thanks for sharing. Take care.

BTW, I am the Queen of Wishy Washy and I think it's great you want to be an LLL leader. I'm all for doing whatever works best for each family and calling that good. So you would have been great for me as that would have been exactly the type of person I would have wanted to talk to. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 1:14:00 PM EST You're a good mom.

Remember that. 'k?

It's enough. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous clifford DATE:Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 1:12:00 PM EST Whoever makes the rubber-bouncy case thingie for iPhones could make one for babies. Problem solved. And potentially^X^X^X^X^X^X^X^X^X^X absolutely entertaining. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Squeak DATE: 2/01/2010 04:28:00 PM ----- BODY:
It's difficult to find time to write when nursing is a two handed - who are we kidding - a 4 to 6 handed adventure. By the time little one has nursed himself to sleep again, I can't bear to put him down. So either way, nursing or sleeping, my computer has sat dormant this week.

The update is that things are going fine. Nursing is far more successful this time, even though we've still got a latch issue on one side. I'm getting plenty of sleep at random times throughout the day and night, and Kevin is making sure that I'm eating and drinking. Bird is not so crazy about the adjustment in family structure, but he's digging the reappearance of overflowing na-na's. Did you know that even toddlers can have the yellow seedy breastmilk poop? Not that you needed or wanted to know that. You're welcome.

Butterbean needs a new blog name. Mainly because I'm too lazy to type Butterbean all the time, and good heavens, he's a big chunk of rolly love, so "bean" just doesn't cut it. Kevin has started calling him "Squeak" because most of the noises he makes are just that - little squeaks. He rarely cries, but even when he does, it's not much more than some over zealous squeaking. He's still a mellow little dude. Maybe we should be calling him The Tiny Lebowski. Or maybe not.

I have to admit. I am already sad about Squeak being "the last one." Things have been so different this time. As I keep running into things that I only needed for pregnancy or birth, I get these twinges of blue that I won't need those things again. This coming from me, a woman who declared that she really didn't like the newborn stage. I take that back. Apparently, on Zoloft, I like the newborn stage very much. Or, it could just be that second time around, I'm a little better at it, and of course, there is the factor of Squeak being a totally different baby than Bird.

While I might be a little blue about it, there is that nagging bit about having to be responsible for that other person for at least the next 18 years. That's keeping me grounded. That, and the fact that we are too stinking old to have any more. We old and tired and would like to have some time to ourselves before one of us turns 80. So, we stop here, and it's alright.

But I feel a shift in priorities. I feel that pull towards spending as much time with my boys as possible. I want to shed off the things in my life that might take my attention from them. I savor the moments on the couch or on the bed where I have a nursling on either side of me. I love that this is my life now.

And with that, before I even get to work on that birth story, Squeak calls. Maybe I'll make it back here before another week passes.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Monday, February 1, 2010 at 9:21:00 PM EST Beautiful. Second-time motherhood is a totally different experience. And I love "Squeak" -- that's part of how we ended up with "Pippi" (she was a noisy little pipsqueak). ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Adventuroo DATE:Monday, February 1, 2010 at 10:20:00 PM EST Congrats again on little Squeak! Sounds like you're settling into it just fine though. I'm due in a few weeks and can't wait to get into the bliss of cuddling up with the two boys. Enjoy it! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous the new girl DATE:Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at 12:11:00 PM EST Take your time. I am so happy for you all.
xo ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at 10:09:00 PM EST Things sound good with you - I'm glad. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Wednesday, February 3, 2010 at 2:41:00 PM EST No rush. We're here. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Марина DATE:Sunday, February 28, 2010 at 6:19:00 AM EST www.resumemine.com
I’m looking for a new job now. Yesterday I decided to write my resume-I know that it is a guarante of the successful search. So I decided make it according to the rules. I looked up at several sites and then came across the resumemine.com. There I found all the information I needed – from the definition of the CV up to the self-check. Having examined the existing types of resumes with examples and detailed recommendations how to write them I chose the most suitable one for me. All the work took me about half an hour and now I have the best resume that will surely lead me to that very job interview. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Savoring DATE: 1/19/2010 10:30:00 AM ----- BODY:
The silence doesn't mean much. It's just me turning inward a little, focusing on the job I have to do in the next couple of weeks. Focusing on the tangible now.

There was drama on the interwebs, and I knew that my emotional state and my big mouth needed to take a break. Step away for a little bit so that I could not waste my energy on fighting a battle that would soon dissipate into thin air as people simply moved on from it.

Besides, I have a job to do.

Week 37 presented with contraction after contraction. My face broke out, my tummy was upset, and I felt ready. So ready that I almost said "yes, come on" to my heart friend who I would love to be here for the birth. I'm glad I didn't though, because my littlest is still tucked warmly inside my belly, waiting on just the right moment to appear.

Week 38 presented with hardly any contractions and the energy to get some things clean around here. Kevin helped me with the kitchen, even cleaning off the bookcase which until now was simultaneously displaying my favorite Gail Pittman pieces, his favorite power tools, and a pound or two of dust. I am so happy to have it back to being pretty.

Week 39 is here. My littlest is a little less active; he tends to squirm most when I'm trying to sleep of course. I am peaceful. He will get here, one way or another, and within the next three weeks. I'm comfortable with all of the midwives. I have my bags packed. I have wonderful friends who are standing by to help us.

I'm into savoring.

Savoring each nursing session with Little Bird, as I don't know when it will be his last time not to have to share me. Savoring each morning that I get to roll over and lay on Kevin's chest while we snuggle and listen to the chit chat over the baby monitor. Savoring each turn and stretch that I feel inside me as I remind myself that this is what life is about now. No matter what parts of me remain - musician, arts advocate, teacher - the parts I love most are wife and mother.

The last days as a family of four are precious to me. I'm savoring them as best I can because once we become that family of five, I know that it will immediately replace these days as the best days of my life.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous mama DATE:Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 12:34:00 PM EST the last days as the only boy, the youngest boy, the baby were the hardest for me. all i could think about was "what am i doing to him?!"
what i WAS doing was giving him the best present he'll ever get.
which is what you are doing, friend.
savor these last days. be peaceful. get centered.xo ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 1:46:00 PM EST You are such a smart mama -- savor away! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Melissa DATE:Wednesday, January 20, 2010 at 2:11:00 PM EST Savor every minute of it because it's easy to get caught up in the "ugly" stuff. Deep breaths and enjoy these last days being preggers. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Wednesday, January 20, 2010 at 2:45:00 PM EST Savoring is good. Much luck in the next endeavor. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Wednesday, January 20, 2010 at 10:11:00 PM EST Savor, savor.

It sounds delicious. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Becky DATE:Thursday, January 21, 2010 at 10:19:00 AM EST I admire you lady!! You are an amazing woman!! Praying for you and your little one. I can't wait to "meet" him. Love and hugs to you girly! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous myrelish DATE:Friday, January 22, 2010 at 6:45:00 AM EST Stunning post. Your enjoyment and anticipation is beautiful. Good luck with all the excitement that is headed your way. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Марина DATE:Sunday, February 28, 2010 at 6:22:00 AM EST www.dentistsurgery.com
Looking up for the information for a paper on teeth diseases I came across dentistsurgery.com site. The information presented there is indispensable: 5 main teeth diseases described in each detail with pictures and advice how to prevent them! My paper was the best one in my group! ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Blink of an eye DATE: 11/23/2009 10:20:00 PM ----- BODY:
This morning, as Bird danced joyfully to Andy Williams on the Sirius Holiday channel in our living room, he looked like a little boy. Not a baby. A little boy.

I must say, it happened so fast.

While I was in the attic today getting out my giant stockpot (hello, turkey stock!), I found a bag of Bird's newborn clothes. I went ahead and tossed them down, knowing that I'll need them sooner rather than later at this point.

I must say, they are so very tiny.

At dinner tonight, Bird was talking in two word sentence structure. "Daddy eat," "Yogurt gone," and my favorite, "Love you." Hearing him develop vocabulary and start to use a rough subject-verb relationship is amazing.

I must say, I think he is incredibly smart.

These cliches keep swooping down upon me, and I hear them leaving my mouth before I can think of something more original to say.

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The passing of time as a mother overwhelms me.

There are days that drag on so slowly, causing me to call Kevin at lunchtime and ask him when he might be coming home. The whining and tantrums make the minutes crawl by, tempting me to turn on Elmo and hit repeat.

But then there are days when I look at Bird, and I wonder how on earth we got from tiny baby to little boy so quickly. And my heart aches for the days to slow down; for him to fit more easily in my lap again as I rock him before bedtime.

Soon, we will have that baby when Butterbean arrives. In a matter of weeks, the tiny clothes will be washed and ready to outfit a brand new little boy. I'm nervous, remembering how hard the first few months with Bird were. I was so tired and so incredibly sensitive to the crying. It nearly undid me.

I keep telling Kevin that when it gets bad, or if I start to perceive it as unbearable - I'm asking him to remind me of how quickly the newborn will be gone. How quickly Butterbean will be a little boy. And how I will ache for him to fit in my lap more easily, and how I will mourn the dis-assemblage of the crib, and how I will miss nursing my boys.

It's a fair trade though. I know that the newborn stage is hard, and at the same time, I know that I will miss it when it's gone. But nothing in the world can replace having my Little Bird pop off my breast just before being put down for the night, reach up for my cheek, look in my eyes, and say, "Love you."

He's not even born yet, and I know Butterbean will be there all too soon.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 11:08:00 PM EST It goes even faster with the second one, so brace yourself. And if you think Little Bird looks big now, just wait until you look at him over the head of Butterbean -- it will seem like he grew 6 inches while you were in labor.

Oh, and when the crying starts, please call or come on over. Goodness knows, I remember what that was like -- although there was a lot less crying with the Pip (for both of us). ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Saturday, November 28, 2009 at 7:31:00 AM EST True, but looking at the Christmas tree pictures of him, I think he did grow an inch this month! Wow! What a KID he is now.

My favorite cliche is this one about parenthood: The years are short, but the days are long. :-) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: You have to cut that out DATE: 6/23/2009 05:04:00 PM ----- BODY:
Yesterday, we went in for our "nurse talk" where a patient history is taken and the nurse talks to you for about an hour about the rules. Nurse Kathy was nice about Little Bird tagging along with us. She wasn't so nice when she chuckled each time she said the word, "mature." Apparently referring to my age was the funniest thing she had done in a long time.

Little Bird climbed up in my lap near the end of our talking to and asked to nurse. Nurse Kathy asked how long he had nursed, and Kevin said that it wasn't a past tense thing. I said he still does, and she raised one eyebrow at me.

She said, "When are you going to cut that out?"

"When he's ready."

Then she put her professionally medical foot down and told me that I had to stop nursing my child. The doctor would tell me, and I needed to go ahead and do it now.

I just smiled.

The thing is, I had been sitting there thinking to myself that this could be easy. Just stay here at this OB practice and have a baby the way most of America has a baby. It's what I did last time, and Bird turned out just fine. Sure, some of the doctors and nurses annoy me, and it's complete overkill, but it would be the path of least resistance and familiarity.

Then I was shaken back into reality. That nurse, with her eyebrow raised in disapproval, was a good reminder of why I'm breaking up with my doctor. Maybe not at my next appointment, but soon.

After all, I'm a "mature" mother. I'm making informed parenting and birthing decisions. I'm done having doctors roll their eyes at me while I'm in labor. I'm done having nurses raise their eyebrows at me.

It's time for a change.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Janice Le DATE:Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 5:04:00 PM EDT oh i just realized you have a blog! lol...maybe b/c i haven't read the entries leading up to this dr visit...but why is this nurse telling you not to bf?!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous toddlerplanet DATE:Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 6:52:00 PM EDT Cra-zee.

Yeah. Okay. So yeah.

That's totally unprofessional ... and uninformed. Plenty of women tandem nurse for years without harm to their babies. There's extra attention that needs to be paid, sure, but surely you're bright enough to figure that out?

Buh-bye, doctor's office. Hope you find a good birthing center or midwife or (gasp) other doctor soon. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Marty, a.k.a. canape DATE:Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 6:57:00 PM EDT Janice, I wish I knew why. I should have asked, but I just wanted to make a graceful exit. I knew that if I got into a "discussion" about it with her, things would get heated.

I'm going to bring it up when I see my OB in a week or so. If she doesn't support me, then that will definitely be my last visit, whether I've found someone else by then or not. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 9:49:00 PM EDT Ugh. Wish I had a great OB that I could recommend without hesitation, but the one I loved best is in G'bro.

You're the mama. You trust yourself. The rest of them can go suck on it. Or not, as they prefer ;) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 10:32:00 PM EDT Yah. Sounds like you may need a new practice. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Becki DATE:Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 11:21:00 PM EDT This pisses me off every time I think of it!

Right now, you've got time and you've got options. Good luck finding what's best for you and the bean! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Stella DATE:Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 11:26:00 PM EDT That's terrible. I am so sorry that you had that experience! Things like that make me so sad because people like that give such a bad name to the doctors and nurses that try to really respect family's choices!

I am so glad, though, that you're going your separate ways and doing this your way!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bubblewench DATE:Thursday, June 25, 2009 at 1:40:00 PM EDT Yeah.. you do need to change. No way any doc or nurse should ever treat you that way. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous @sweetbabboo DATE:Thursday, June 25, 2009 at 2:28:00 PM EDT Hey, the gyno nurse just told me today that IF I were to get pregnant, I'd have to cut out the BFing too. What's up with the U.S. being so squeamish about BFing. That's what they're for and the World Health Org RECOMMENDS BFing until 2 years. Ugh.

You are right to say good bye. Are you thinking about going the more alternative birthing center route?

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous AcadeMama DATE:Saturday, July 4, 2009 at 1:19:00 PM EDT I totally heart your decision Marty. While pregnant with my third daughter, I broke up with my OB, who had previously done an okay job delivering my second daughter. But, after several rude remarks and a general sense of not giving a damn how much time I spent in the waiting room, or that I preferred not to have my cervix checked when there was no medical reason for doing so, I broke up with him. Women have been having babies without MDs, making their own decisions about nursing and birthing and all sorts of stuff for a long time. You'd think that one day they might just realize that we have a choice in our medical care, and it doesn't have to be them (whoever them happens to be for you).

Great move for following your instinct!! ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Little Bird makes friends DATE: 5/06/2009 05:18:00 PM ----- BODY:
We've been in sunny Florida. Kevin's aunt/godmother lives near Sarasota. Little Bird and I had never met her, so it was high time for us to make a trip.

It didn't look good last week. First I realized that I had booked our flight for PM instead of AM. That put us in Florida a little past midnight with our 15 month old. How fun does that sound? Then I couldn't remember which car rental I had reserved a car with, and we hadn't received an email confirmation. So after many frustrating phone calls last Tuesday, we decided to try and get on standby in the morning and I found we had a reservation with Alamo.

Flying with a 15 month old in lap is an adventure. You really need 2 laps for said 15 month old, so I was glad Kevin and I always had seats together. Also? Still nursing that 15 month old was a lifesaver. That "neh-neh" really kept Little Bird happy on take off and landing.

For the most part though, Little Bird was an excellent traveler. He has this really cool mix of wanting to be with Mama and Daddy, but at the same time, being very curious about the people around him. He will smile at a stranger, play peek-a-boo with them, or keep waving until they just have to smile back. It doesn't matter what they look like or how old they are.

The older hippie sitting across the aisle from us on one leg of the trip became fast friends with Bird. Saying their goodbyes, Bird waved enthusiastically, and Professor Surf told him, "Goodbye little dude. Go doing something great one day."

And considering how my child can draw a smile out of everyone he sees, what I wish I had said to him was, "He already has. He creates joy."

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 8:13:00 PM EDT He sure makes me smile -- and Pippi, too :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous pastormargaret DATE:Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 9:39:00 PM EDT Finally a blog. I miss this link when you don't have time to write. Yes, Little Bird does, indeed, create joy. My heart is full of it! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Friday, May 8, 2009 at 10:26:00 AM EDT Yeah!

Awesome, awesome response.

I love the picture ... how did Little Bird like the sun and sand? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous toddlerplanet DATE:Saturday, May 9, 2009 at 10:31:00 AM EDT P.S. I'm with Momma on this ... where go the blogs these days?

Miss you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bubblewench DATE:Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 12:04:00 PM EDT He sure already does... ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: There will be rainbows DATE: 3/20/2009 08:08:00 PM ----- BODY:
I finally watched The Business of Being Born. I have both been looking forward to it and avoiding it all at the same time. I was pregnant with Little Bird when it was in theaters around here, and I wasn't brave enough to go and see it. I knew the basic message was in the over medicalization of birth, and I really wanted to stay with my OB. For some reason, I thought that she was wonderful and would make rainbows appear at Bird's birth.

If she had been at Bird's birth, then maybe she would have. Since she wasn't, we'll never know.

Instead, Dr. Jackass attended Bird's birth.

There is one thing I will not do, and that is question the way Bird came into this world. He and I got him here just like he needed to arrive.

However, there are things I don't have to do again, and won't be doing again. They are as follows:
There are other options. I am capable of birthing my babies. I will make choices out of confidence and not fear next time. I will not second guess my ability to nurse my babies.

I will be strong, prepared, and accepting. My baby and I will make our own rainbows.

Now, I just need to stay pregnant.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Stella DATE:Friday, March 20, 2009 at 10:22:00 PM EDT Marty,
This line:
"There is one thing I will not do, and that is question the way Bird came into this world. He and I got him here just like he needed to arrive." Was perfect to me.

I had so many expectations and ideas both before and during my birth experiences about how I wanted things to go and be and I had to let go of each and every one of them.

Our children came into being exactly as they were meant to and you put it perfectly! Thank you

I CANNOT believe he rolled his eyes at you. I would taken my spread eagled feet slammed them into the sides of his stupid little head! ;) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Saturday, March 21, 2009 at 10:05:00 PM EDT I saw that movie not so long ago - it made me sad, in the way it made me revisit my rather awful birth experience. It's a good movie, I think, full of good information that ought to be better disseminated.

I hope that you stay pregnant next time. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Sunday, March 22, 2009 at 12:34:00 PM EDT I need to follow your advice and not question the way my children came into this world. C-section was definitely not what I envisioned, but it happened (twice). And even though I know I should just be happy with healthy babies (and healthy mommy), I still struggle with the memory of birth as surgery.

Good for you for accepting what happened and for taking the power to change things for next time. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bubblewench DATE:Monday, March 23, 2009 at 8:00:00 AM EDT I'm routing for you honey!

I would have punched Dr. Jackass in the face, or at least unleased the dogs on him. Jerk. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous @sweetbabboo DATE:Tuesday, March 24, 2009 at 7:58:00 PM EDT I love your take on it. When I saw it I remember being outraged about what I didn't have with Linus's birth. But when I think back, most of it was pretty damn pleasant despite being strapped to a bed. I know that IF I have another child there are some things I might want to try to do different but being high-risk kind of limits the options. And really, it was those doctors who helped me to stay pregnant and give birth to my son and therefore I shouldn't be using my hindsight to try to question the details. He is here, he is perfect and healthy, and honestly I don't really give a damn about how he arrived.

Plus, I have to give mad props to the L&D nurses at Duke. One of mine actually stood up to the doctor and told him that I had a birth plan and we would be following it to the best of our ability. I could have kissed her.

Here's hoping that your baby and rainbows happen soon.

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous the new girl DATE:Thursday, March 26, 2009 at 8:54:00 PM EDT I have never understood the thing about men feeling called to be ob/gyns. I know that is a GROSS GENERALIZATION and it's politically incorrect and I'm SORRY if someone's dad/brother/husband/whatever is an ob but I just never wanted a MAN all up in that business.

I loved this post, though, and my rant above is pretty much unrelated. The eye-rolling got me going, though. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Oh, Gawd. Bewbs again. DATE: 3/10/2009 09:04:00 PM ----- BODY:
For those of you who know me in real life, I hereby warn you that I am about to talk about my boobs. Again. You may click away now, or read at your own risk.

Catherine breastfed another woman's child this weekend. If you don't know the story and would like to, it can be found here. It's not directly related, but it's got me thinking.

I have two breasts. My momma has one. My friend has none. I still have two that I should be grateful for.

They are mine. I grew them. I have lived with them for almost 25 years now. For most of those years I hid them. I wore baggy shirts and sweaters that were too big. I was uncomfortable with the attention they garnered.

It was more attention than I ever received myself. In fact, this space is even overshadowed by them, with the most searched hits coming from "ginormous boobs" or some incarnation thereof.I suppose that is also because I continue to talk about them.

The first time my husband, then new boyfriend, saw them in just a camisole, he blurted, "My God! They're ginormous!" I quickly put the baggier shirt back on and slunk down in my seat. I wanted the focus to remain on me, not them. Betrayed by my breasts once again.

Only I wasn't. After the initial shock, he went right back to talking to me. My face, rather. He held my hand, put his arm around me, all without copping that oops-feel that even some of my friends' husbands have been guilty of copping. Later, I learned that Kevin's reaction to the girls and their girth was in fact just shock. He actually just considered it a big bonus and gave me reason to believe it too. And since my mother reads this blog, I will stop there.

After I became a mother, I expected to have an epiphany about my breasts. Learn the "real" purpose they serve. Open the heavens and sound the trumpets: breastfeeding. My boobies were created to be a food source to my babies. I would magically begin to respect them and they in turn would learn their place in this world. Which was about four inches lower than I had hoped for, but whatever.

The thing is, I don't think the heavens opened, and I don't think they were made just to feed babies.

You see, I have these hands. Two of them. They type, they play the piano, they change diapers, they bathe a child, they prepare meals, they clean this house. They do a multitude of things for every different part of my being. The writer, the musician, the mother, the wife, all use these hands.

It is the same with my breasts. They are functional; feeding my child. They are sexual; just ask my husband. They are decorative; clothes fit better with them than without them. They are all of these things to me.

The boobies belong to me. If I want to use them to feed my child, I can. If I want to use them to pump milk for another child, I can. If I want to use them to nurse another child, I can. If I want to use them to try and sell albums, I can. If I want to use them to reach orgasm, I can. If I want to use them to keep my toes warm, I can in another few years, I'm sure.

They belong to me. Yours belong to you. And no one. No one should be telling us what we should or shouldn't be doing with them.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous @sweetbabboo DATE:Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 10:14:00 PM EDT You know what? I've decided to stop blogging. I'm just going to link to your blog every time you post anew. Then I'll be all set b/c for some reason you keep publishing posts that are exactly things I've been thinking. How the hell do you do that?

I too was hoping for the breastfeeding boobie epiphany that never came. I've always been a hater of my boobs (they are the definition of ginormous) but I'm at least beginning to have days that we actually get along. Of course, my sexy red Bravissimo bra helps with this.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: You rock those boobs, girl and I will try to follow your lead.

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Two Lines On a Stick DATE:Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 1:13:00 AM EDT I totally laughed out loud. I don't think your boobs will be down to your toes EVER. At least I hope not. In the most non-sexual way. Um, I'm stopping now... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Amy DATE:Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 8:44:00 AM EDT Amen.

And LOL about keeping your toes warm. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous No Minimom DATE:Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 8:44:00 AM EDT I'll tell you the same thing I told my best friend in 7th grade who was already a C cup and was several cup sizes larger by the time we graduated high school: If you don't need all that, I'll gladly take some off your hands! ;-)

I wholeheartedly agree with this post. There is no way on the green green earth I would let a stranger nurse my baby, but I wouldn't feel weird at all doing that for someone else (maybe that's hypocritical, but there it is). Regardless of my personal views, it's not my place to say what someone else can do with their body! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 10:32:00 AM EDT Well said. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 1:50:00 PM EDT Wow. There is so much news out there that I would miss if it weren't for you.

As for the ginormous boobs, I'm with No Minimom -- now that I'm not nursing, I think I'm a whatever-comes-before-A-cup. So I say enjoy them, even if you have to hike them up a bit first! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Nita DATE:Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 8:04:00 PM EDT Damn straight! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 9:12:00 PM EDT Toes! Warm!

I totally forgot what else I was going to say. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Susie DATE:Wednesday, March 11, 2009 at 9:14:00 PM EDT Love it! Love it! You can nurse my baby anytime you want - do you want the 2:30 am, 3:30 am, 4am, 4:45am, or 6 am? He calls them "muggles." ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Becki DATE:Friday, March 13, 2009 at 11:31:00 PM EDT Very true words :)

And glad your toes will be warm ;) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Reminders DATE: 2/18/2008 08:44:00 AM ----- BODY:
Andria said it. It's strange how something so natural can be so difficult. But it is. Breast feeding has been very very hard. I keep reminding myself of all the reasons to continue. How good it is for Bird.

Then, there will be moments like these, after I nurse him. He pops off with milk still dribbling out of his mouth. His little lips smack and he squirms his way in just a little bit even closer to me. One of my favorite faces he makes involves the raising of his little blonde eyebrows followed by a quick nose wrinkle. Most of the time, I even get a smile or two from him.

As he falls asleep, propped up on the breast that just nursed him, I'm reminded of how good it is for me too. Good to be able to give him something no one else can. Good to bond with him.

Good to get to be his momma.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Andria DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 8:58:00 AM EST :) What a sweet post. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous HeatherK DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 9:55:00 AM EST Nothing like a newbie resting their little head on the boob pillow. You're taking lots o' nursing pics, right? You're doing awesome!!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous mothergoosemouse DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 10:26:00 AM EST Canape, I'm glad you're finding moments of joy. Breastfeeding is wonderful - for you and for him - but I'm glad you're taking care of yourself too.

He's a beautiful baby. Congratulations! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 10:56:00 AM EST just wanted to say regarding the bf post, tenacity rarely accompanies anguish and it is an amazing person who can carry the two.
Margaret ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Sarah DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 11:58:00 AM EST Beautiful. Just wait until he laughs and dribble milk down his chin :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous CelticBuffy DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 12:03:00 PM EST Nursing my babies was almost always one of my favorite times with them. It is an intimate, quiet bonding time with them that just can't be duplicated. Keep it up! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Michelle DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 12:43:00 PM EST Lovely post. And a great reminder of how lucky I am to be a momma. Thank you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Steph DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 1:01:00 PM EST Awww! Such a sweet post! Im glad that things are getting better! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous FENICLE DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 1:14:00 PM EST You are giving him so much!!!! You are giving him your love and attention...it doesn't matter what form it comes in now or later. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous the new girl DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 2:43:00 PM EST aw. So sweet. I remember when my little girls head was SO SMALL and the boobages were SO LARGE.

Hang in there. It's so good for both of you and before you know it?

It totally morphs into that picture you have in your head of loving eyes and beauty and wonderfullness.

The beginning? Not so much wonderfulness. But it really does happen. I'm living proof.

xo ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous ImpostorMom DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 3:09:00 PM EST and that is why I'm still holding on to my breastfeeding career and am reluctant to give it up even though he's perfectly fine with out it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous gail DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 7:53:00 PM EST Very very sweet :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous slouchy DATE:Monday, February 18, 2008 at 11:25:00 PM EST i had similar breastfeeding issues with ben. but by the time he was three weeks, the problems were history, and what remained was beautiful and easy.

you're headed there, friend. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bubblewench DATE:Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 11:29:00 AM EST That is super sweet. Glad there is happiness in the struggle. You are doing wonderful. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Momma B DATE:Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 1:36:00 PM EST that's precious =)

I'm glad things are looking up for you =) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Heather, Queen of Shake Shake DATE:Wednesday, February 20, 2008 at 9:03:00 PM EST Breastfeeding is hard at first. The learning curve....agh! It was a very tough one for me too. I'm glad you two are finding your way thru it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Lisa DATE:Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 12:36:00 AM EST You brought back such a sweet memory for me. I really miss that kind of bonding time.

Good for you. Good for both of you. ----- --------