AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Mama wings DATE: 7/15/2010 09:00:00 PM ----- BODY:
It is finally sinking in why mamas get baby fever. After Christopher, I didn't have baby fever. I knew that I wanted another baby, but it was more practical than feverish. I really wanted two little ones in the house at the same time. I wanted them to be siblings close in age.

But now, Colin is sitting up. He reaches for me after I unbuckle his carseat straps. He reaches to turn pages in a book. His gums are swollen from the teeth that are considering making an appearance soon.

He is not my little baby anymore, and I don't know where the time went.

When I was a mama for the first time, the days and weeks, hell - the hours - drug on like a Jim Jarmusch film. It took forever for me to get comfortable and confident with going out in public. It took forever for me to feel like I could gracefully nurse my new baby. It took forever for me to settle into life as a dyad, a coupled unit with my firstborn son.

When Christopher turned six months old, it felt like an entire lifetime to me. So much had changed, and I had endured the tempest of the trial by fire education of a first time mama. It was a relief to get to six months.

As a second time mama though, things have been entirely different. Colin's birth serves as a beautiful metaphor for how I feel with him. We were immediately attached. Connected. We never broke that dyad bond after he was born, so we never had to reform it. It was just there.

Realize here, that I'm not comparing my sons. I'm comparing my mothering. That's completely different than comparing my children.

After Colin was born, we were back home in a matter of hours. It was as if he had just magically appeared into our lives - as if he had always been there. Christopher was just at a morning playdate, and when it was time to come home and eat lunch, well shucks - his baby brother was miraculously there.

And it's been that way ever since, leaving the days and weeks - and hours - to simply fly past. It's not that I'm not noticing milestones, it's just that I can't believe they've already come and gone.

First time mama was so frustrated if the baby wasn't asleep at a certain time. Second time mama is just proud that the baby has finally started napping on his own every now and then. He'll sleep when he's ready.

First time mama was ready to feed the baby rice cereal exactly two weeks before his six month appointment. Second time mama is just amused at the way the baby pushes his banana around on the tray and licks it. He'll eat when he's ready.

First time mama was trying to figure out how to get to BlogHer with the baby and still feel connected to her old self. Second time mama is just happy to be at home with her family and still feel connected to her whole self. I'll venture out when both boys are ready.

It's strange. On the one hand, I feel so relaxed; like there is time for everything. On the other hand, I feel like time is slipping away; like my baby is growing up a million times faster than his big brother did. I can blink and get a glimpse of next year, and the next, and the ones not too far away when Mallory is leaving for college, Christopher is starting school, Colin is more than a toddler, and I'm turning 40.

Life is becoming a fly by for me in some ways, and I'm grateful - because it's my children who gave me my wings.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Mem DATE:Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 9:11:00 PM EDT oh the hormones! or your fab writing- but this made me cry! i am so there with you- and i have three- and wow does it go fast- henry's life went so fast that i barely remember it and now i am trying desperately to savor my small children- to enjoy the trenches of lots of little ones all over me and my never brushed hair and teeth because all too soon it will be gone. sigh. hug that big baby for me and tell christo-brrrr that we love him ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Sofi DATE:Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 9:41:00 PM EDT That makes two of us with hormones and tears. You are a terrific writer. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Five months DATE: 6/29/2010 09:59:00 AM ----- BODY:
Look at you. Five months old already. I don't know how the time has passed so quickly. You've been sitting up for almost a month now. It amazes me.

You have this hearty, throaty belly laugh that when accompanied by that huge open mouth grin you like to flash makes my heart completely melt.

We still co-sleep, and if for some reason I leave you sleeping in your daddy's lap and go to bed without you, I miss you terribly. It's the one good thing about the house not being finished yet. There is no pressure for you to go to your own room because you still don't have one yet.

I'm sorry that you've been sick so much. This morning, you vomited twice after you woke up, simply from all of the mucous you swallowed during the night. I don't know why you and I are having such a hard time kicking stomach bugs and colds, because you are certainly a breastfed baby. But we are both having a hard time staying well. You are a really good sport about it though. Thank you for that.

You have already stopped looking like a little clone of your big brother. I thought for a few months there that I was going to have identical twins, two years apart. You've come into your own though, and I apologize profusely for the ears I have passed on to you. You will most likely get teased over them until your hair grows in to offset them a little bit.

Right. And you are still so very very bald. That just means I can nuzzle your head all the more.

I read all about how I would have room in my heart for both of my boys. It's not that I thought otherwise - I knew I would love all of my children - but I didn't realize how much all of that love would grow. My whole life has become submerged in the depth of love I have for my children.

So your brother, sweet Bird, made me who I am, but you, my little Squeak, you complete me.

You are my littlest love.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Susan @WhyMommy DATE:Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 10:15:00 PM EDT I love this:
"My whole life has become submerged in the depth of love I have for my children."

Yup. Mother love is powerful.

Glad to see you back.

S ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: How it is DATE: 6/02/2010 09:42:00 PM ----- BODY:
I opened a post. And Squeak cries. It never fails.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous @sweetbabboo DATE:Wednesday, June 2, 2010 at 10:06:00 PM EDT Oh no. I know how that is. Do you need company? Do you need someone else to hold him for just a little bit?

I've been wondering where you were. Let me help.

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous mommytofive11 DATE:Thursday, June 3, 2010 at 12:20:00 AM EDT Been missing you online! And real life too, of course. ;-)
Kiss those sweet boys for me. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Becki DATE:Monday, June 7, 2010 at 11:35:00 PM EDT Not for years, as you already know ;)
Now as soon as I try to sit at the computer Maggie asks for screwy YouTube videos... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous clifford DATE:Monday, June 7, 2010 at 11:50:00 PM EDT Um, he wants a peanut butter chocolate chip granola bar. Duh. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 11:01:00 AM EDT Yup. Always.

Love to you.
S ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Pampers Dry Max and other evils on the shelf DATE: 5/04/2010 11:39:00 AM ----- BODY:
Bird is at school and Squeak is sleeping in his bouncy seat. He slept on my chest for 90 minutes, but then want to move, so he's vibrating and snoozing, and I have two free hands. Two free hands which should be cleaning something, writing thank you notes, doing laundry, or organizing the boys' clothes for storage - but I'm actually trying to put writing back into my list of priorities, so here I sit.

I have a copy of Healthy Child, Healthy World that I have been putting off reading because I'm scared of all the things I could be doing better for my children. That's so lame. After this week of recalls and dangerous products, I'm thinking it's time to dive into it.

Squeak had almost finished his trial size bottle of Infant's Tylenol that has been recalled. It could have tiny particles - of what, they didn't say - in it or it could contain too much of the active ingredient. Either way, it's not good for him.

Bird had on a Pamper with their new "Dry Max technology" the other day. When I went to change it, he started grabbing the inside of his thigh and telling me that it hurt. I lay him on the changing table, and he began to scream before I could even get his shorts off of him. The blisters on his legs and bottom were unbelievable. I immediately began trying to calculate when the last time I changed him was and starting cursing myself for letting him have a wet and dirty diaper - even though I hadn't done anything different that day than from any other day. I changed him right when I noticed, and it wasn't that long from the last change.

I was mortified and cried right along with him. I stopped trying to clean him up at the changing table and put him straight into the tub. I wanted to make sure he was 100% clean, and rubbing the blisters wasn't an option.

After I put him to bed that night, I noticed a buzz online about Pampers and their new Dry Max diapers. A friend from my LLL group had posted a news story, and after watching it, I started searching for more information. What I found was unbelievable.

Thousands of reports of chemical burns and unusually bad blistering and rashes have been reported with these diapers. I couldn't believe it. The pictures I saw of those poor babies look just like Bird. The bigger than a quarter raised blisters - they were on all of these babies.

No more Pampers for us. I don't care how much that box cost me. I'm not using another Pamper ever again.

So begins my foray into cloth diapering. I tried it with the gCloth inserts for our gDiapers and hated them. They were terrible. But I've got some friends who are willing to give me lessons in all of the other ways to cloth diaper, so we are getting ready to make the switch. And for the times we need a disposable one, I'll be using a Huggies natural or a Seventh Generation diaper.

I feel so strongly right now, that as a mama and a consumer, I have got to start making better choices for my family. Choices based on their well being instead of cost and convenience. I did that for Squeak's birth, and now I need to continue that throughout their lives. I owe it to them to keep them safe and healthy.

It's frustrating to not be able to trust as a consumer.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Stimey DATE:Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 1:24:00 PM EDT Oh, that's so horrible. Your poor guy. It's kind of shocking that those Pampers are still on the shelf. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Renee DATE:Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 1:42:00 PM EDT We have had issues with both the tylenol recall and the dry max pampers as well. Little Max kept getting blister after blister with them, and he wasn't going too long between changings, either. I was chalking it up to "acid poo" from having been on antibiotics until I saw the Pampers warning. I am FURIOUS. This sort of thing should NOT be happening in this so-called "developed" country... it just feeds my continuing anti-capitalistic rant. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 1:44:00 PM EDT That totally sucks. Poor kid. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous workout mommy DATE:Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 2:53:00 PM EDT ugh, this is awful! poor little guy! Is this just the new version? I've always used pampers and never had problems---but I don't use the cruisers, which I think are the new ones?

i agree--the inability to trust these brands it just awful! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous themsrevolution DATE:Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 3:48:00 PM EDT being a smart consumer is even more difficult than usual when you have small children to care for, and often on very little sleep! it sounds like you are being a smart mama, despite these factors. thanks for the heads up about the diapers. i had not heard that but my little bird has had some blistering. so frustrating! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Two Lines On a Stick DATE:Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 3:56:00 PM EDT Yikes! That is awful about the Pampers. We use Huggies on Taylor (Target brand on Bailey) but I love the HUggies Naturals. They are sooo soft and they fit really well. I have done cloth diapering on and off. I go through phases where I love it and phases where I don't want to bother. I haven't wanted to bother since Taylor was born but I might get them out again one day. Try Bum Genius :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous @sweetbabboo DATE:Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at 8:11:00 PM EDT I was shocked when I heard the Pampers thing. As a cloth diaper mama, I'd always heard the chemicals are bad line but didn't really give it much thought. I can't believe he had blisters!!! I'd be pissed.

Anyway, I'm reading Healthy Child, Healthy World as well. We can chat about it. I just have to keep telling myself that I can't improve everything all at once, but I can do the little things like air out the house and get some houseplants along with the other things I'm already doing.

Can't wait to share our diapering experience with you. Have you read my post about it already? I don't want to repeat what you already know. http://tinyurl.com/573zzs

-Abby

(Is it bad form to a post on my blog in comments? I don't know this stuff. If so, sorry.) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anavar DATE:Wednesday, May 5, 2010 at 5:49:00 AM EDT First, you couldn't know Pampers are bad. After all, they have so nice commercials! I can't believe one has the heart to still produce them! Nowdays it's so hard to trust the merchants. And it's even harder to find quality products! Poor little kid... I hope he'll never had to go through this again. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Today DATE: 4/26/2010 08:03:00 PM ----- BODY:
I've been on maternity leave. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

It's hard to get back in the habit of writing when you slump off like I have. I still have blog brain. You know, when you walk through the grocery store checking items off your list while simultaneously thinking about which of the carts you are passing would make for good blog fodder. I still have blog brain.

There are too many things going on right now that I just can't blog about yet. When something is holding me back a little, I have a hard time saying anything at all. But I'm going to try. I'm missing out on chronicling some of the best times of my life - watching my boys grow up.

***************
Today, I had changed both of the boys' diapers. I had stepped out of the room to wash my hands when Bird tripped over a bag of dry cleaning. He wasn't hurt, but he was whining for me to come help him. He was still whining when one of Squeak's shoes came off.

Bird got up by himself, picked up the shoe, and declared, "Oh no! Colin's shoe!" He brought me the shoe, insured that I put it back on his little brother properly, and then he went back to the bag of dry cleaning. He repositioned himself over it, as if he had fallen again, and started back in with, "Mama, help! Help, Mama!"

Snort.

***************
Today, I took the boys to a Durham Bulls game with Abby and Linus. We had great seats (once Abby convinced me to move into the shade), and Linus was kind enough to share his Matchbox cars.

There was arguments over Wool E. Bull being a cow. There was popcorn. There was hand holding and running through the grass. Squeak fell asleep by the fifth inning. The Bulls lost, and I think they need some new pitching, but we still had a great time.

***************
Today, I took the boys on a walk with my friend and doula, Julie. Her boys, my boys, a couple of strollers, and a bicycle defied the rain back into the sky and took our walk with just a few sprinkles. The Greenway in Raleigh is one of my favorite places to be, and walking it with a friend is the best way to be there.

***************
So you see, we are busy. There are stories to tell. I want to get back here telling them. Maternity leave is officially over.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous No Minimom DATE:Monday, April 26, 2010 at 8:56:00 PM EDT I for one would never be critical of a blogger who failed to blog for an extended amount of time. Pot meet kettle. Glad you and your adorable boys are having such fun together! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Amie aka MammaLoves DATE:Monday, April 26, 2010 at 9:20:00 PM EDT It's hard to come back from maternity leave.

And can we sign bird up for acting lessons now?? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous clifford DATE:Thursday, April 29, 2010 at 10:09:00 AM EDT Baseball & Matchbox cars. Some say that is what Heaven is like. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: My love DATE: 4/18/2010 09:54:00 PM ----- BODY:
Your eyes are navy blue. They captivate me.

Your ears poke out like my father's. Currently, you also share a hairstyle with him. I think you will grow out of that.

Your mouth has learned to smile and laugh naturally. You started laughing at your daddy yesterday and couldn't stop. You laughed until you gave yourself the hiccups.

That is one thing that I love about this house. More often than not, it is full of laughter. Granted, that means that your daddy and I are terribly silly people, but I think it might be a fun way to grow up.

Tonight, you took a bath with your brother. At first he was scolding you for kicking and splashing, but when you just smiled at his reprimand, he gave up and started washing your feet. He can be surprisingly sweet to you. Whenever someone asks him about his little brother, his standard reply is, "Colin. So cute."

You still sleep with us. Partly because there isn't anywhere else for you to sleep yet, and partly because you are so snuggly. You spoon perfectly, wake up to nurse a couple of times, and go right back to sleep. Usually. Occasionally, you want to stay awake and smile at me. If I have to stay awake in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning, I have to say, I don't mind staring at your beautiful smile.

There is only one small complaint I have, and that is your hatred of the stroller. I love your stroller. You have a little hide-away compartment, and your brother sits in the jump seat above you. And. You. Hate. It. Unless you are asleep, you scream. Even when you are asleep, you usually wake up and then scream. Our long walks designed to help me burn this baby fat before you enter the first grade? Are torture for both of us. I would wear you, but you seem to hate that too. You just want to ride up on my shoulder and be able to look around at the world, cheek to cheek with me. It's a lovely feeling, cheek to cheek, but dang. You are heavy. I tell myself that I'm just working my arm muscles. Walking, pushing the stroller, and carrying you. Ridiculous.

You have such a sweet nature. Easy going. You like to be at home and nurse on your Boppy. As much as I don't mind nursing you anywhere, anytime, and here you are, just wanting your comfortable football hold where you and I can just gaze at each other. I have to admit, I like it too.

Today, you and your brother nursed together. We don't do that often, but today, you each latched on, and you stared at him. You hadn't ever noticed him before - even when he would stroke your head while you nursed together. But today, you and he locked eyes and I felt the urge to stop tandem nursing fall away again.

You are a big boy, you know. Not even three months old and you are already wearing 6 month and up clothes. I spent yesterday packing away two full boxes of clothes that you have already outgrown. I'm not sure what I will do with them yet.

I know that I will miss these tiny baby days. I feel them slipping away. But I have to say, I'm really looking forward to the things we will get to do when you can crawl and walk and run and talk and play and all of the amazing learning you have already started to do.

I'm going to try and write more. There is so much to say about you and your brother. I'm just not willing to do it at the expense of staring into those captivating navy blue eyes. You are my love.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous No Minimom DATE:Monday, April 19, 2010 at 9:13:00 AM EDT I love that you are so in love! :-) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Beth DATE:Sunday, April 25, 2010 at 2:37:00 AM EDT you are truly blessed, as are they to have you as their mommy :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Becki DATE:Monday, April 26, 2010 at 10:25:00 AM EDT Awesome. And you write it so beautifully :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:Monday, May 3, 2010 at 5:06:00 PM EDT That is so beautiful, I think I'm going to run out and knock myself up. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: In which we take the mall by storm DATE: 3/25/2010 03:08:00 PM ----- BODY:
I don't frequent the mall. Most of my shopping is done online for now. Of course, most of my shopping is for two small boys. My clothes, at least the ones that aren't maternity clothes, are all three years old if not much older.

Yesterday, I had a shirt from Gymboree that I needed to return because the sleeve fell apart the first time I washed it. I figured it would be easier to just pop by and swap it out at the store rather than mailing it and all. I also wanted to get Bird some Crocs for the summer, so I had two reasons to go. I always have to have at least two reasons to go to the mall.

I dropped Bird off at preschool. Squeak and I headed to Crabtree. On the way there, I realized that we didn't have any money in the account. Kevin was in a meeting and couldn't make the transfer. I didn't want to go home because I was almost there and dang it - I had worked out my day so carefully. So I called Momma and walked her through (she has the patience of a saint, I tell you) transferring money online for me. Crisis averted. Ha.

Squeak and I returned the shirt and wandered over to the Crocs store. Did you know there was a whole store of Crocs? Do we really need that many different kinds of Crocs? And are there really enough adults still wearing them to warrant an entire store? Apparently so. Who knew?

Anyway, I found some navy blue Crocs for Bird and went to check out only to find that I had no debit card. No way to pay. I wasn't sure what I was more upset about - losing my debit card or having my shopping day ruined.

By the time I got home, I remembered that Kevin had taken my debit card to use at the ATM. It wasn't lost, so I was free to just be annoyed that my shopping trip was ruined.

All of this to SAY, we went back to the mall last evening as a family. We left the mall with more questions than purchases.
  1. When did the mall become the place for strippers to shop?
  2. Okay, so that was harsh. How about this: When did the mall become the place for 14 year old girls who want to look like strippers to shop?
  3. How come I can't find anything between Ann Taylor and Target that I might possibly want to wear?
  4. Why does our Food Court have two Greek restaurants, but yet there doesn't seem to be one decent one outside the mall?
  5. When did stores stop taking checks? Like at all?
  6. Is it ever possible to get past the hair straightening kiosk without one of those women chasing you down with a blazing hot iron? As in, I'm wearing my infant child, so no, I don't want you to sample your burn maker on me.
  7. When did everything get so expensive?
  8. When did I get so old?
By the time we were done eating dinner and shopping, we had come to some clear realities about ourselves. We are old. We are cheap, but with expensive tastes. We are more crunchy than 99% of the people at the mall. We probably shouldn't go back anytime soon.

It's true. We really should avoid it for awhile. Considering that some of the highlights included Bird's gDiaper leaking a river, causing us to let him go pantless for the rest of the trip AND Squeak needing to nurse in the middle of Ann Taylor, but Bird needing to go to bed, so I compromised and got Squeak latched on in Ann Taylor and then just walked through the mall to the car while nursing Squeak and trying to get Bird to quit screaming . . . well, let's just say we created a bit of a scene.

Bird: no pants and very loud.
Squeak: latched on and grunting.
Me: half a boob hanging out and mei tei dragging along behind me.
Kevin: stroller, diaper bag, and all purchases hanging from each arm.

Crabtree will never be the same.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Thursday, March 25, 2010 at 7:09:00 PM EDT I think you've nailed why I don't go to malls. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Unkempt Mommy DATE:Thursday, March 25, 2010 at 7:25:00 PM EDT I love this post. I feel the same way.

Plus, I always leave the mall feeling even more overweight than I am because of all those tiny stripper-esque teenage girls and matching mannequins in the windows of their favorite stores...which incidentally is EVERY store at the mall these days. We have one of those hair straightener kiosks with stalker sales people at our mall too! Crazy!

Hooray for online shopping! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Sunday, March 28, 2010 at 10:15:00 PM EDT Ugh. Am with you all the way. And totally love that departure image ;) Glad you all survived! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Marketing Mama DATE:Monday, March 29, 2010 at 2:54:00 PM EDT Seriously laughed out loud at this post! I think that about the teen girls EVERY time I go to Crabtree (and walk by Forever 21). ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bubblewench DATE:Tuesday, March 30, 2010 at 1:11:00 PM EDT I hate the mall. I will not go unless absolutely necessary. What a great exit you all went for though. LOVE IT! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Melissa (@adventuroo) DATE:Thursday, April 1, 2010 at 8:58:00 PM EDT Those straightener people REALLY harass me since I have curly hair! I love when you ignore them or say "no thanks" they try to get you by saying "can I ask you something?" Like I'm gonna fall for that crap! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Jill DATE:Wednesday, April 7, 2010 at 11:39:00 PM EDT I hate the mall. I had to go to a traditional one recently for a birthday party my 5yo was invited to and I was reminded yet again why I hate it. I haven't been in a mall in the last 5 years when I haven't walked out of there (1) skeeved out (b) irritated or (z) sad for civilization. Shop online. Make friends with your UPS man. They're always way cuter than anyone at the mall anyway! :-) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Common sense DATE: 3/22/2010 08:59:00 AM ----- BODY:
It's amazing how very little time I have at the computer where I have two free hands. If I'm sitting down, I'm either nursing or holding a sleeping baby. If neither of those things are going on, then I'm on the run. And I cannot type with one hand. If my fingers can't keep up with my brain, I get very bored.

There has been plenty going on. Both boys have been to the emergency room, and Squeak was admitted and spent 3 days in the hospital. Both boys are fine now, and I've learned a great deal about being a parent in a worst case scenario driven health care system.

First, Bird was sent to the ER in the middle of the night by the call service nurse for our pediatrician. After days of fever from a fever virus that had finally climbed to 104.9 that morning, we found him crying in his crib with a temperature of 95 that night. Weird. So I called, and we were sent packing to the ER.

The short version, which is just as interesting but far less painful than the long version, is that Bird was just fine. In fact, by the time the doctor saw him, he was dancing around the exam room like Mick Jagger in his footie pajamas. We felt ridiculous for being there when what we should have done was gotten him up at home and observed him there for a little while before calling or going in. Lesson #1 learned.

Being the generous big brother that he is, Bird shared his virus with Squeak. Even though I know fever is serious in itty bitties, I wasn't that worried. His fever was 100.8 though, and I felt more comfortable taking him to the pediatrician. He looked good. He was eating, peeing, and pooping normally. So she ordered a blood culture and a urine sample and sent us home after consulting with some of her colleagues because of his age. I admit, I was nudging her along to the "go home" decision. I did not want to end up in the hospital with Squeak.

Beverly, our pediatrician, wanted to see him the next morning, just to be on the safe side, so we went back in and she declared him fever free and looking good. Big sighs were issued on a dodged bullet on this one, and we said our good byes.

Then, around 4:00 that afternoon, another doctor in the practice called and told us we had to get Squeak to the hospital NOW. As in, I was nursing him at the time and was supposed to stop and go to the ER. Weird, since he hadn't had a fever all day and seemed fine.

Again, the short version is far more interesting. He's fine. Not for a lack of invasive testing though. Bacteria in the blood is serious - if it's making you sick. However, there are instances where it's not making you sick, and there are even more instances of blood cultures being wrong due to contamination.

After three blood cultures (one out of each arm and the last out of his ankle), two catheters for urine cultures, one spinal tap, and a weekend of IV antibiotics, they decided that Squeak had a virus that he had kicked on his own.

Duh.

While I think we all did the right thing at the beginning, there was definitely a point when I should have stood up and argued more. Demanded that they start using common sense and stop following the doctor rule book. I understand that rules are there for a reason, but Squeak was so obviously NOT sick anymore - it was just ridiculous to keep torturing him with that IV and more blood culture draws.

I should have stood up for my baby and said no to the last round of tests. I know now.

The nurses we had were wonderful though. It was refreshing to be around nurses who assumed that as Squeak's mama, I had it under control. They treated us with common sense actually. I stayed with him, and he co-slept with me the whole time. They never questioned whether I was feeding him enough and never suggested that I didn't know what was best for him. Since he showed every sign of a healthy baby with faulty test results, they treated him that way. Instead of following the clock, they followed his cues and took his temp when he happened to be awake. They made the stay quite bearable, and I am very grateful.

It's hard to argue with a doctor though. One of them asked me at one point if I actually had a scientific background. I guess I wasn't supposed to question so much? I told her that I did not, but that the definition of stupid was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Okay, so I didn't really say that, but I wanted to, and said some extremely nice version of it that went something like, "doing the same test over and over again until you get the result you want seems very unscientific to me."

It's hard to argue with a doctor when they have the scare card in their deck. "IF" is a very powerful word when it comes to your child's health.

There has to be a balance when it comes to listening to the parent and following the doctor rule book.

I wonder if they wrote common sense into the fancy new health care bill? The health care system could use a huge dose of common sense for sure.















Home again and happy about it.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Anonymous DATE:Monday, March 22, 2010 at 12:08:00 PM EDT Doctors need to learn how to trust Mom. I had brought my 10 month old son in to evening hours because he "was asking like he was getting an ear infection." He'd had 4 already. I got the young squirt almost the doctor. He asked the routine, Fever? NO, Pulling at ears? NO! I kept insisting he was asting like he had one - the way he acts when he has one. Ben would only sleep if held upright, if you lay him down, he woke up and cried. Finally, after 10 minutes of arguing with me that he wasn't exhibiting the "classic" symptons, I said, "JUST CHECK HIS EARS!!!!"

Almost the doctor checks, and said "Wow, I've never seen one this early, it's pink but just barely." He's got a double ear infection! I politely (barely) suggested that in the future, he listen to the Mom. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Tuesday, March 23, 2010 at 11:21:00 AM EDT Yikes! I'm glad that everything turned out ok.

BTW, I just viewed the brothers' video -- SO sweet. You've got a couple of strong, healthy boys there, with adorable temperaments.

Smooches! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bubblewench DATE:Tuesday, March 23, 2010 at 12:29:00 PM EDT I'm so glad it all turned out ok. I'm learning so much from you. I'm gonna need it by this time next year. I hope! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous clifford DATE:Wednesday, March 31, 2010 at 3:59:00 PM EDT Ze good doctor was just trying to help you, man. "Trusting Mom" gets them sued if Mom ends up being wrong. Glad the kiddo is okay though. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Yes, I still blog here DATE: 3/03/2010 08:46:00 AM ----- BODY:
Gratuitous picture of my beautiful boys. Bird always wants to hold Squeak. It's sweet and a little dangerous all at the same time. He's going to love his little brother to death if we don't watch out.

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Remember that last post? The one with the bullets? With this bullet in particular?
Yeah. The next day, I couldn't walk without help. We headed to the urgent care and found out that I had a nasty case of shingles.

Fair. Not. All that work to be back up and going right after Squeak's birth was hosed. I was down for the count for at least a week and have just now, almost 3 weeks later, gotten back to being able to handle a normal day of activity without my leg crying out in pain at the end of the day. The not very creative way to put it is that it completely sucked.

The salt in the proverbial wound is that my leg, which is currently one of two parts of my body that aren't pudgy (the other being my wrists), and is my husband's favorite part of me, is pretty scarred up now. I'm not sure if it's going to go away. I suppose only time will tell. I hope so, but I'll take the scars over the pain any day.

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This morning, Squeak and I are headed to our La Leche League meeting. Poor Bird is sick again, so he's staying home with his daddy. Bird had to be picked up from preschool yesterday, and by 5:00 this morning, I had him in a lukewarm bath trying to get his fever of 104 to break. He's better this morning, but I'm grateful that Kevin stayed home to help. Yesterday was not easy.

Anyway, I've been thinking about La Leche League and wondering if I might want to become a leader. In theory, I would love to. I'm just not sure that I'm "LLL enough" to be a leader. I'm pretty moderate in my parenting philosophies if you were to average them out. As in, we vaccinate on schedule for the most part, but an artificial nipple will not touch Squeak's lips. As in, we co-sleep until the baby is ready to move, but eventually we are going to do some sleep training if we need to. Basically, we do what works for our family, and at the end of the day, I think that might be "LLL enough," but I'm not sure.

I really believe though, that moms need support and encouragement to breastfeed successfully. If that is something I could do, I think I would like to. I'm a little fearful of the commitment also. Sound wishy washy? Yeah. I know.

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It's March, and I haven't written about Bird's second birthday. So many people just flat out ignored his birthday this year. I wasn't one of them, but I didn't do as much as I would have liked. But it hurt my feelings for him - being ignored for your birthday is rotten, even if you are only 2 and don't realize it yet. Hurts my mama heart.

That's all I'll say about that now. He deserves a full post for his big 2 year old day.

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Amazingly, I got to type all of this in one sitting and didn't have to hold any children while doing so. If I don't stop now, that will no longer be true. So I end here, with way too much left to say, and a severe lack of editing in this wad of words. My apologies.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Amy DATE:Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 10:24:00 AM EST Every LLL meeting I went to started with the leaders discussing that you hear many ideas but not all of them will work for your family. The goal is to do what works for you.

I think you'd be a GREAT leader. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 12:44:00 PM EST Shingles sucks! I had it when my kid was about seven months old. I hope you're feeling better. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Mem DATE:Wednesday, March 3, 2010 at 6:53:00 PM EST you are exactly LLL enough! im not so LLL, well i'm more LLL now that i am a leader than when i was becoming one... BUT there are 12 guide lines that you have to believe in... they are really generalized and broad. one of the first parts of the process is to say- yes i believe the breast is best, here is why. and so on and so forth with the guide lines. go to an LA meeting and check it out- if i ever give birth i'll even go with you! i have an applicant right now so i'm on the up and up of requirements. you would make a great leader- fyi. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bren DATE:Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 1:51:00 PM EST You don't need to apologize at the end of your post! You have a newborn, a two-year-old, and are recovering from shingles which plainly said - suck! I didn't know of blogs when my kids were little, but lets just say I wouldn't have had the energy or creative juices to write at this stage. And I didn't have shingles. So hats off to you. Good to read how your family is doing. Thanks for sharing. Take care.

BTW, I am the Queen of Wishy Washy and I think it's great you want to be an LLL leader. I'm all for doing whatever works best for each family and calling that good. So you would have been great for me as that would have been exactly the type of person I would have wanted to talk to. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 1:14:00 PM EST You're a good mom.

Remember that. 'k?

It's enough. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous clifford DATE:Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 1:12:00 PM EST Whoever makes the rubber-bouncy case thingie for iPhones could make one for babies. Problem solved. And potentially^X^X^X^X^X^X^X^X^X^X absolutely entertaining. ----- --------