AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: For Anissa DATE: 11/18/2009 08:57:00 PM ----- BODY:

I'm watching Glee. It's not going to be nearly as much fun tonight without the Tweets from Anissa throughout.

There are so many people praying for Anissa right now. I am just one of many. Please join me in that many.

Anissa is fighting for her life tonight after suffering a massive stroke yesterday. It isn't her first stroke. She has made it through before. She is ridiculously strong.

***********************************************************************
At the Type A Mom Conference, Abby and I attended one of the speaker dinners. Anissa was there. She was sitting at the other end of the table with Heather, Janet, and Brittany. There were about 10 of us at the table, and it was hard to converse with anyone but the people you were sitting beside. Which was all good, because I was sitting with cool people.

But that wasn't quite enough for Anissa. She wanted to visit with everyone. Maybe she didn't think that was a big deal, but Abby and I both commented on it. After Casey left for an impromptu Asheville photo walk, Anissa came down and took her seat so that she could get to know the people at the opposite end of the table from her.

It was a simple gesture, but sums up everything I think about her. Anissa is a people person. A kind person. A genuine person. She wants to make connections, and you want to connect with her.

All these connections you've made, Anissa, are standing together with you now. Holding you and your family as tight as we can from all around the world.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Friends, Share the Love

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

@sweetbabboo DATE:Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 10:14:00 PM EST So beautifully put. I feel kind of weird acting like I knew her since we only met once but I really feel like I did. She's just that kind of person. She really made me feel comfortable and like I belonged at that dinner. She has to be okay. The world needs her and most especially her kids.

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Andrea DATE:Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 10:16:00 PM EST So lovely. I am with you. I have yet to meet her in person, but I hope to. Thanks for sharing your memory. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Issas Crazy World DATE:Thursday, November 19, 2009 at 6:23:00 PM EST beautiful post. It is, in a way, comforting to see all the posts about her. I want her to come and tell us all how lame and sappy we've been. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Angela DATE:Friday, November 20, 2009 at 11:34:00 PM EST Thank you. We are all sisters. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Honest crap. I mean, scrap. DATE: 11/10/2009 07:00:00 AM ----- BODY:

Another thing I have time for in the month of blog everyday is award memes. I had stopped doing them not because I'm completely ungrateful, but because I had become a lazy, time restricted blogger. I should have taken up Stimey's lead and just made up my own catch all award and written something funny and self deprecating, but I was too lazy to even do that.

Never fear, though, blog everyday this month, month, is here.

My across the street neighbor is also a blogger. When Kevin and I were thinking of moving, I tried really hard not to get to know her because I knew I was going to like her so much, and it would suck moving away. Ha ha on me - we got to stay put, meaning I wasted a bunch of time not hanging out with her and becoming cooler via osmosis.

She graciously bestowed upon me the Honest Scrap award. Instead of being an ungracious slob, I'm supposed to do these things:

1) Say thanks and give a link to the presenter of the award.
Thanks, Cyndi! I'm hoping lots of people (you know, all 13 who read this) go on over and pay you a well deserved visit. they will be glad they did.

2) Share "10 Honest Things" about myself.
I'll get to that in a minute.

3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged me. That's hard, because I'm going to leave someone out which is another reason I have been slack on responding. Guilt. But here goes:

Fertile Mertile ~ She's BAAAAAACK!
Stimey ~ Because she's the most hilarious ever, I love her, and I could possibly receive one of her handmade buttons about not posting buttons.
Abby ~ For giving me things to do with my toddler and being a great friend.
JC and Tara ~ my preggo buddies
Momma ~ Why not? She's my momma, and my momma rocks.
Amo ~ Because she's the world's greatest commenter and has an adorable kiddo. Go see.

4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving. I hope they are checking their stats for links, because I'm not sure I have the stamina to do much more. Again with the lazy.

Alrighty then. Ten honest things. As if I haven't spilled enough into this space over the past three years as it is. I'll try not to repeat myself, but remember, you're getting what you pay for.

The construction at my home is driving me batshit crazy. I've tried not to let it, but as of today, I'm admitting defeat.
Some days I let Little Bird watch a little more TV just because he's sitting with me on the couch in a perfect snuggle position.
I don't like vegetables when I'm pregnant.
I have drank more Diet Coke than I should have this pregnancy. Fountain ones from McDonald's. They are the best, you know.
I'm almost 200 pounds and still have 10 weeks to go. Oy.
I don't practice anymore. Or rarely.
I hate musicals.
Most of my dreams lately have had me starring in them as a tall, skinny, shiny haired brunette with much smaller boobs. Not hard to read into that one.
Right now I'm glad this is my last pregnancy.
I miss my Daddy. The way he used to be.

So there you have it. It's only day 10 too. Aren't you loving the month of November?

Labels: Blogging Babes, Friends, Prompts

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Daily Verses DATE:Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 8:54:00 AM EST Why thank you kindly, ma'am. And I also let Goov watch too much tv as he likes to lay with me on the sofa. I don't think it's so bad- after all, his days as my baby are numbered. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

pastormargaret DATE:Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 9:39:00 AM EST I love you the way you are and I miss your daddy the same way! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amy DATE:Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 9:20:00 PM EST How do you only have ten weeks left?! Wow, that was fast. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

gail DATE:Wednesday, November 11, 2009 at 7:29:00 PM EST Thanks man. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

人妻 DATE:Saturday, November 28, 2009 at 11:22:00 AM EST Hな人妻たちの社交場、割り切った付き合いも当然OK！欲求不満のエロ人妻たちを好みに合わせてご紹介します。即会い、幼な妻、セレブ、熟女、SM妻、秘密、以上6つのジャンルから遊んでみたい女性を選んでください ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

サイドビジネス DATE:Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 10:27:00 AM EST 1日5万円～が手に入るサイドビジネスのご案内です。男狂いのセレブ女性はネットで知り合った男を次々に金の力で食い散らかしています。そんな女性を手玉にとって大金を稼いでみませんか ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Hチェッカー DATE:Monday, November 30, 2009 at 11:11:00 AM EST みんなで楽しめるHチェッカー！簡単な設問に答えるだけであなたの隠されたH度数がわかっちゃいます！あの人のムッツリ度もバレちゃう診断を今すぐ試してみよう ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

家出 DATE:Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 12:16:00 PM EST 最近流行の家出掲示板では、各地のネットカフェ等を泊り歩いている家出少女のメッセージが多数書き込みされています。彼女たちはお金がないので掲示板で知り合った男性の家にでもすぐに泊まりに行くようです。あなたも書き込みに返事を返してみませんか ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

高収入アルバイト DATE:Wednesday, December 2, 2009 at 11:33:00 AM EST 性欲を持て余し、欲求不満になっている女性を金銭の対価を得て、癒して差し上げるお仕事です。参加にあたり用紙、学歴等は一切問いません。高収入アルバイトに興味のある方はぜひどうぞ ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

高級チェリー DATE:Thursday, December 3, 2009 at 11:46:00 AM EST 童貞を奪ってみたい女性たちは、男性にとって「初体験」という一生に一度だけの、特別なイベントを共に心に刻み込むことを至上の喜びにしているのです。そんな童貞好きな女性たちと高級チェリーで最高のSEXをしてみませんか ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

困っています。 DATE:Friday, December 4, 2009 at 10:37:00 AM EST 最近寂しくて困っています。夜一人で寝るのが凄く寂しいです…隣で添い寝してくれる男性いませんか？見た目とか特に気にしません。優しくて一緒にいてくれる方大歓迎☆一緒に布団で温まりましょう♪shart.enamorado.de-me@docomo.ne.jp ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

副収入 DATE:Saturday, December 5, 2009 at 10:53:00 AM EST 一晩の割り切ったお付き合いで副収入が得られるサイトのご案内です。アルバイト感覚での挑戦もできる、安心の無料登録システムを採用しておりますので、興味のある方は当サイトをぜひご覧ください ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

スタービーチ DATE:Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 9:56:00 AM EST 復活、スタービーチ！日本最大の友達探しサイトがついに復活、進化を遂げた新生スタビをやってみませんか？理想のパートナー探しの手助け、合コンパーティー等も随時開催しています。楽しかった頃のスタビを体験しよう ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: One day, no hate DATE: 10/06/2009 08:00:00 AM ----- BODY:

I don't talk politics very often. For good reason, too. I don't know politics. To be able to discuss politics means that you have taken the time to find out facts from an unbiased source, and these days, that is increasingly difficult to do.

The talking heads cloud the issues. I don't enjoy the rhetoric.

But today, Corina has suggested we talk openly, without hate. It's a good thing to do everyday, but I usually choose to just not talk because you never know who is listening and what they are going to give back at you.

So here goes. A few of my opinions.

I believe that health care in America is broken and needs to be fixed. There are ideas from both sides of the issue that I think are good ideas, and I think that when reform begins, it is just that - a beginning. I think that reform will need to evolve over time, but that it is time to start now.

I believe that government shouldn't be small in one area in large in another. If you want government to tell people who can and cannot get married, then you are asking for license for them to dictate a lot more.

I believe that taxes are necessary, but wish that they were used more wisely. The government could use to get back to some of its Presbyterian roots and revisit the idea of stewardship.

I believe that it's beyond time to bring our men and women home from an unproductive war.

I believe that education is in crisis in our country and am nervous about my child turning five and starting public school.

So there. That's five things that could be controversial, or not. If you disagree with any of them, feel free to tell me so today. It's a day to disagree without hate and learn more about those who might disagree with you. So go forth and be kind, how's about it?

Labels: Blogging Babes, Prompts

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Barry Darnell DATE:Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at 9:49:00 AM EDT Beautiful post, Marty! You do not have to know much about politics to voice your opinions and concerns as a Mom (and I, as a Dad) about the future of our country.

The thing that I love is the way you spoke clearly and concisely to each issue without rancor or name-calling or bringing personalities into mix.

As I've said before, I would like a political truce, please! I am sick of all the anger and ask people to have respectful, intellectually honest discussions.

To oversimplify: The Left likes government solutions. The Right does not. Neither side has anything but America's best interests at heart. Let us stop impugning the motives and character of those who prefer a different approach from us.

Let's go forward trying to discuss a policy issue, one at a time, until we reach some sort of understanding, even if it's "agree to disagree"? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Barry Darnell DATE:Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at 10:17:00 AM EDT One more thing:

I have been saddened by the way political enemies have not just disagreed or even poked fun at, but tried to destroy the likes of Robert Bork, Ted Kennedy, Clarence Thomas, Billy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George HW Bush, Bill & Hillary Clinton, George W Bush, Dick Cheney, Joe The Plumber, Sarah Palin and Barack Obama. The hate and despicible rhetoric comes from both sides and engenders a, "They started it!" from those who justify continuing that sort of behavior. I'm calling on all good people to do what my mother would say, "I'm ENDING it!"

Love to all. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amo DATE:Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at 12:11:00 PM EDT I agree with everything you have said! The health care issue is very close to my heart b/c we can't afford it for all three family members. The cost is ridiculous. Health care is definitely broken beyond belief. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Tuesday, October 6, 2009 at 7:56:00 PM EDT We have a lot in common at every point, including a general aversion to talking/writing politics. Thanks for posting. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Ilina DATE:Wednesday, October 7, 2009 at 8:27:00 PM EDT I agree with every single word. Hear! Hear! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Geezees Custom Canvas Art DATE:Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 3:07:00 PM EDT Thanks for posting this! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Susie DATE:Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 7:26:00 PM EDT Yes, yes, yes, uh huh, and yup. And I agree with Barry - that just toting the party line on an issue will never actually solve anything. Time to stop talking and start breaking each issue down into what's best for EVERYONE. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Vanity's Fare DATE:Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 9:56:00 AM EDT Glad you brought it up. I'm just hating the hate. Seriously, I think it makes me depressed...not in an abstract way, but directly depressed. All this mean, bitter hate is awful.

Thanks for bringing this up and getting people to think. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: It's up to me and only me DATE: 9/29/2009 10:36:00 AM ----- BODY:

One thing that was so refreshing to discover at the Type A Mom Conference this past weekend, is that I'm not completely insane. It's always nice to discover that, I think.

What I mean is, that for awhile now, I've been pondering why it is that people can't just do their best, rise above, and quit telling everyone else how to do things. In the blogosphere, that is.

Let me give you an example. I'm a piano teacher. Well, when I'm working, I'm a piano teacher. I teach out of my home. So does another woman in my neighborhood. I teach on a 6'4" Mason & Hamlin grand piano, use the latest notation and ear training software on a large flat screen HP computer, and am a member of all of the professional organizations. I hold a Bachelor of Music in music composition, perform and record regularly, and my students kick ass in competitions, if I do say so myself.

The other teacher in my neighborhood teaches on a spinet, has no degree, doesn't enter competitions, and simply decided that since she could play the piano a little, that it would be a good way to make money from home. Teaching lessons, that is.

Needless to say, the other teacher charges less than me. She gets more students coming in her door because she is cheaper and just as convenient as I am. She is patient and kind, and never tells the parents that their children need to invest more time in their lessons at home.

If I applied what I keep hearing from other bloggers to this situation, then I should have a sit down with this other teacher and talk to her about how she is bringing down my profession. I should ask her to join our organizations, charge more, and be a better teacher. I should call her up and let her know that she is cheapening what I do, and belittling piano teachers everywhere.

And actually? I know a couple of teachers in town that have done just that. They got nowhere with it, and people generally don't like them.

Here's the way I see it.

That woman calls herself the same thing I do: a piano teacher. However, calling herself one doesn't make her one. Sure, I "miss out" on a number of students whose families aren't willing to pay what I charge. I happen to look at it as though she is weeding out the people who aren't worth me spending time away from my children. The people who aren't serious about their child's music education and are just looking for another after school activity.

It is up to me to continue proving why I'm better and worth more money. It is my responsibility to live ethically and be the kind of teacher that people seek out and don't just stumble upon. My success or worth has nothing to do with the other people who are in my same profession - it has to do only with how well I do what I do. The other teacher has nothing to do with who I am.

There is room for everyone. Back to blogging, there is room for good writers, bad writers, reviewers, monetizers, writers who get paid, writers who don't. The internet isn't going to run out of room, and if you are true to yourself - authentic - then you will be successful.

What you need to feel validated and successful is unique to you. While one woman may be excited to be paid in cupcakes, another one may demand $300 for a post. It doesn't mean that the woman demanding $300 for a post won't get it. It's not like the same company that would be looking at her in the first place would then go and consider all of us cupcake writers out there.

I'm validated by the relationships created through this space. Cupcakes are nice too, but mainly, I just really like having a place to write and an outlet that leads me to other women writers as well.

I think Mommy Niri said it quite well, "Blog and let blog," or as I like to say, "It's alright with me if you suck," which was going to be my title until I realized that some people might not find that funny. Except Abby.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Blogging Innards, TypeAMom

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Gina @ MoneywiseMoms DATE:Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 11:27:00 AM EDT Great points, Marty! I felt like I got a lot of the same message at the conference (and I, too, was thrilled to see that I'm not insane for thinking everyone can do it their own way so leave it alone). I think it developed over the days we were there, that we started Thurs night all looking for rules and patterns and how DOES one connect with PR/Marketing/Brands and then some of us coming to learn more over the weekend about why we might not want any of that at all.

Your piano teacher analogy is perfect, and it's applied to all sorts of businesses in every genre (restaurants, shoe stores, etc.). Even grocery stores are high-end, middle, low-end, looking for different consumers. You are meeting your parents/students' needs and so is the other teacher. There's nothing wrong with that. What I think happens with blogging is that newbie bloggers are trying to get the benefits of the other league without wanting to put in the work/effort/time. If that other piano teacher complains because her business isn't bringing her enough money, then she needs to step it up (as you have).

I really enjoyed meeting you, and thanks (again!) for setting up Rock Band/Guitar Hero. Great idea! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life DATE:Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 11:31:00 AM EDT *standing ovation*
LOVE love LOVE this analogy. Spot on!!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Stimey DATE:Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 1:44:00 PM EDT I'm part of that standing ovation. Love this post. Blog and let blog. Excellent. I'm off to read that post now.

GREAT post! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

pastormargaret DATE:Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:28:00 PM EDT I echo your comments about the other "piano teacher." In fact, you may have heard them from my mouth at some time or other. I should put my thoughts together on those who are called "pastor" without the call and/or ordination. But, we are who we are, not because of what we do. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Susie DATE:Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 2:52:00 PM EDT I'm totally baking you some cupcakes :) Thank you for this because I have really been contemplating what to do with my blog. So I find your words quite encouraging to keep going - to do it for me. Thanks. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Elizabeth DATE:Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 3:40:00 PM EDT Hi Marty,

I couldn't find any contact information on your blog and I wanted to reach out to you about a program Mom Central is running with Feld Entertainment.

We are looking to find Moms who are interested in helping us spread the word to their readers, community members, family, and friends about Disney on Ice and the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus. If selected, you will serve as “activators” in your community, sparking excitement around the shows and meeting with Moms in your area. You will receive some great coupon codes for members of your community and complimentary tickets for your family to see the show on opening night! We are currently looking for activators in the Charlotte area. Please email me, Echapin@momcentral.com, if you are interested in learning more about this program. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you!

Best,
Elizabeth ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Tuesday, September 29, 2009 at 5:15:00 PM EDT I love you and your blog. Probably haven't told you that yet, but this post reminded me that I do.

Mwah! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 9:29:00 AM EDT Great post! Love the analogy.. how that can apply to so many things. Wow. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

JHSMom DATE:Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 6:02:00 PM EDT I've been lurking here for several years, pre Bird, I've enjoyed hearing your story.

I would like to offer some input as the parent of a musician. I am a Euphonium player, and both of my sons play trumpet. My youngest, now 16 started on recorder in music class in 4th grade. He excelled at it, started trumpet in 5th grade and I immediately put him in lessons with a college trumpet performance major. Thankfully I know a lot about brass instruments, have some talent as a musician myself, so I am a more knowledgable parent than most band/music parents.

The trumpet teacher was amazed at his talent and natural ability, I knew when he outgrew her and sought a new teacher who could continue his at a higher level. I continue to help nurture him in his growth as a musician, by actively seeking the BEST teachers out there, regardless of the cost. I am willing to invest the money to get him the music and instruments he needs. He is now in 11th grade and looking forward to college auditions and dreams of being a performance major.

I agree with what you said, she is helping weed out those kids who probably won't put in the effort and allows you to concentrate your efforts on kids with promise who have a willingness to work hard, and have the support of parents who won't settle for anything but the best.

I know that parents like me appreciate the expertise you bring to your students, and are willing to pay more than the "average" teacher rate to get the quality training for our kids.

I need a teacher for him that will challenge him, teach him the special technique he needs to succeed in college, and inspires him to grow and succeed, that is priceless. You may have fewer students, but as you said, your kids kill at competitions! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

@sweetbabboo DATE:Thursday, October 1, 2009 at 8:44:00 PM EDT I don't have much to add after our whole chat about this at the hotel. However, I will echo Cyndi and say I love you and love you even more since our weekend away. I absolutely CANNOT wait to go again next year and have ALL the Triangle Mamas in attendance. It would be something. Don't worry about lil' C, I'll hold him. ;)

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mommy Cracked DATE:Saturday, October 3, 2009 at 8:23:00 PM EDT If I could give you $300 and a cupcake right now, I would. This is gold. I think this should be required reading for any blogger. You have articulated well the things I have been feeling and I commend you all the more for publishing it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mommy Niri DATE:Sunday, October 4, 2009 at 5:42:00 PM EDT Thanks for the shout out! I truly believe in the power of the the people rather than everyone trying to confine all into little compartments (just so that they can deal with it and also be in charge of it).

I am thrilled we got to meet too!

Niri ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jennifer Fink DATE:Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 11:05:00 PM EDT Excellent points that apply to the writing profession as well. I'm heading over to my writing site to share this right now. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

BIKE LADY DATE:Friday, October 9, 2009 at 2:44:00 AM EDT Jennifer, you did share the link with our writer's group, and I'm glad I came to read it. It's a good post that makes a point different from what I've always believed. I can't say I agree with Marty 100 percent, but I can say that I see a different perspective now that I wouldn't have otherwise. And that I also like the phrase, "Blog and let blog." ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

ruth pennebaker DATE:Friday, October 9, 2009 at 11:22:00 AM EDT What a great post! You put it so eloquently and simply -- what I'd been thinking, but hadn't articulated. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Marijke Durning DATE:Friday, October 9, 2009 at 8:10:00 PM EDT Love this post. This is the best way I've ever heard it put.
Thank you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Meredith Resnick - The Writer's [Inner] Journey DATE:Friday, October 9, 2009 at 10:19:00 PM EDT I love what you said about authenticity. It's the basis of how I create. I love this place so much more than being fearful there isn't enough. Your post says it all. And so awesomely that I'm bookmarking it :)

I want to thank Jennifer, whom I see posted a comment above, for sharing the link - she's how I found it! ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Type A Mom Conference, Part Uno DATE: 9/26/2009 11:33:00 AM ----- BODY:

I'm home again. I've snuggled my son, snuggled my husband and then some, and finally taken a bath. My roomie would be pleased. I didn't intend on not bathing, I just didn't. Well, just not often. This is so far off topic already and totally TMI. Hooray.

After attending two very good BlogHer conferences, which I would still recommend to people, I can also say that the Type A Mom Conference was far superior for me. For who I am as a blogger, it was the best conference I've attended. I loved the size and the focus on moms as bloggers. It was a ton easier to meet people, and you ended up being able to see some of the new people you met more than just once.

Kelby rocked the planning the conference. One thing she got right over other conferences was the food. There was plenty of it, and she even thought ahead about nursing and pregnant attendees, who need extra healthy snacks during the day. Where at BlogHer '07, I frequently felt as though I would faint at any minute because I was a starving preggo, this past weekend, I was able to get a banana or a Nutrigrain bar and a bottle of water at any time. It was great.

There is so much more to say, but that was the length of Kevin's shower. Now he's back, and I want to spend some time with him. And my new perspective on blogging includes - do it when you can and quit when you need to. That may lead to a week's worth of short Type A Mom posts, but that's perfectly fine.

Thanks, Kelby and everyone who helped you, for a great weekend.

Labels: Blogging Babes, TypeAMom

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Monday, September 28, 2009 at 11:56:00 AM EDT Glad you had a good time. Sounds like you may have needed it.. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Melissa Stover DATE:Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 9:40:00 PM EDT the food was so nice! i was very impressed. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 9:33:00 AM EST Hey are you a professional journalist? This article is very well written, as compared to most other blogs i saw today….
anyhow thanks for the good read! ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Road trip DATE: 9/24/2009 12:00:00 PM ----- BODY:

I'm headed out to the Type A Mom Conference. This morning, I'll be picking up Abby in Kevin's crazy tiny car, packing all of our stuff into its crazy tiny trunk, and headed for the mountains.

Here are my confessions:

1. I'm not as excited as I could be. I want to go, and I don't want to go all at the same time.

2. It's the first time I've ever been away from Bird overnight. Ever. In his entire life. Hence the want/not want feelings.

3. I'm scared that Bird will wean while I'm gone. While I know this would be alright, and that he isn't really nursing that much anymore anyway, I really wanted it to be his decision and not because I left him for three days. Of course, I should have thought more about this when planning the trip. Duh.

4. Mixed in with my ambiguous feelings is the pure excitement of being free for three days. Even though I don't feel the need to carve out a bunch of "me time" - I actually enjoy being with my kiddo and being his mom 24/7 - there is part of me that is excited about not cooking or cleaning for three days. Yay.

5. I'm not worried about Kevin taking care of Bird. I feel like I'm supposed to be, but I'm not.

6. I've never really spent time on the Type A Mom website, but the conference is in Asheville and far more affordable than BlogHer.

7. I don't read many of the blogs of the people speaking. Some, but not many. Will be out of the loop I guess.

8. I don't care to monetize my blog or connect with sponsors. Although if VW wants to give us a Touareg to test drive for awhile, I wouldn't turn that down. That's a sweet deal. But really, I'm kinda wondering what I'll do that will be conferencey like.

9. This trip is coming at a time when I've started to think that blogging is more work than I have time for. We'll see . . .

Labels: Blogging Babes, Blogging Innards, Things I Should Keep to Myself

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Thursday, September 24, 2009 at 11:28:00 PM EDT Miss you already -- although I would not have fit in the tiny car. All's quiet over there, so I think they're doing fine.

If you get the Toureg, you must let me drive it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

SelfishMom.com DATE:Saturday, September 26, 2009 at 4:40:00 PM EDT Thanks for the link! Driving the Touareg down here was fun. Your opportunities will come. Write to me if you want to talk more! ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Tips for BlogHer '09 from someone not going DATE: 7/22/2009 02:38:00 PM ----- BODY:

This year, I'm sitting out BlogHer. It doesn't have anything to do with the conference - BlogHer is terrific. It's also terrifically expensive, and with me not working anymore, it's just not practical for me to spend the money on it.

With that disclaimer out of the way, I present, "How I Would Do BlogHer '09."

1. Even though you are there in person, stay online. You will likely miss something if you aren't checking Twitter. And use your hashtag #blogher09. Because some of us will be living vicariously through you, you know.

2. You are responsible for your own fun. Don't wait to be invited. Sit down at a table and meet people. Show up at a party and have a good time. Introduce yourself to the person next to you in a session. Don't wait on someone else. You do it.

3. Try to mingle. Even if you have a group of friends there, pick a meal to share with someone you don't know or someone you wanted to meet.

4. It's not about the stuff. The amount of product thrust at you can be overwhelming. Take what you want - what you can use, and leave the rest. You probably can't fit it all in your luggage anyway.

5. Don't take it personally. Any of it.

6. Some, okay, a lot of bloggers suck at small talk. Why else do we take to the written word? We can edit, mull, contemplate, and craft our words. All things you can't do at a cocktail party. When the conversation lulls with your newly made blogger buddy? Ask them about their kids. Or their pets. Or their roommate. There are always plenty of things to talk about if you are asking questions of the other person.

7. People are not their blogs. You only get a small glimpse of what they choose to share in their writing. Just because you've read their blog for three years doesn't mean you really know them. Take some time in person to meet them as a person and not a blog.

8. Wear cute shoes. Okay, so that's shallow, but I do recommend it. Just ask Amie, my roomie in '07. I think I packed a pair of shoes or boots for every hour of the day.

9. Don't feel like you have to go to everything. You don't. Sit something out and have a cup of coffee with a friend. An old one or a new one.

10. If something does cheeve you, don't write a blog post about it. Suck it up and review #5.

I hope y'all have a fabulous time. There is a huge part of me that wishes I could be there, and I will miss seeing you. There is also part of me, however, that is enjoying just watching y'all all scurry about and not having to be scurrying myself.

If you will excuse me, I have some more not preparing for BlogHer '09 to be doing.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Blogher

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Nancy DATE:Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 3:24:00 PM EDT These are great tips! I definitely agree with everything you said.

I would add a couple more:

If you've got curly hair, bring some de-frizzing product. Chicago is brutal on the hair.

Make sure your shoes are comfy and your laptop bag/purse is not too heavy to carry around -- there can be a lot of walking from meetings to parties to dinners.

Don't pack your ratty or skimpy pajamas (unless you don't care) -- you may end up visiting at all hours of the day and night. :-)

I'm not going this year either -- but like you I will be living vicariously through those who will be writing (and tweeting) about it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Lizzy DATE:Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 7:41:00 PM EDT great tips. wish i was going, too. but "terrifically expensive" is a good summation.
also, i'm a blog dropout. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Haley-O DATE:Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 9:54:00 PM EDT Great tips! This is my first time going, and I'm a little nervous -- not knowing what to expect. THANK YOU! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Magpie DATE:Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 10:11:00 PM EDT Okay, then. Time to pack another pair of shoes. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

pamelaperez DATE:Thursday, July 23, 2009 at 6:42:00 PM EDT I wish I was going as well but like you said it's "terrifically expensive" ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Erin Bassett DATE:Thursday, July 23, 2009 at 11:03:00 PM EDT Just stopping by from BlogHer@Home. Totally great tips!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

PrincessJenn DATE:Saturday, July 25, 2009 at 4:51:00 PM EDT This is a great list! Some obvious, others not so much so (shoes? Who knew...starting my shopping for next year now!). Thanks for posting. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Whymommy DATE:Saturday, July 25, 2009 at 4:58:00 PM EDT I miss you! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jennifer DATE:Saturday, July 25, 2009 at 5:47:00 PM EDT Great list. I am definitely going to have to try to remember these for when I (hopefully) go next year. Thanks! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Candice DATE:Saturday, July 25, 2009 at 6:13:00 PM EDT Great tips! I live locally to NYC so I won't be staying over or using luggage next year, but I can imagine carrying tons of swag on the subway & bus will not be fun.

I think the hardest part always is sitting down with strangers and making conversation. You're right - bloggers write for a reason - but it is SO worth it. I can't wait for BlogHer '10. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Nickie @nsmith729 DATE:Saturday, July 25, 2009 at 8:48:00 PM EDT Great tips! I'm going to keep a mental note of those for BlogHer '10, which I plan to attend. With bells on. Heh. ;) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Final Halelujah DATE: 5/11/2009 09:09:00 PM ----- BODY:

There is something I promised a friend several weeks ago. A promise made over the phone as I was parking the Jeep at the mall.

"I want to see that picture with the Easter Bunny!" she said.

"I promise!" I replied as I hung up in order to park within the lines.

I fell through on that promise. On the one hand, you could say that my friend is probably used to that. She has been let down a lot. She is honest and forthright and expects nothing less from others. People haven't been kind to her. Plus, she has essentially thrown herself in front of semi trucks in order to keep peace and to make other people comfortable.

As much as I love that about her, it is hard to watch. My momma has always said that I'm loyal to a fault. The loyal friend in me has spent a lot of time banging my head against the wall when I've been unable to help her. Sometimes all you can do though, is be there. Listen when there is something to hear. Reach and reach back.

Today we are saying goodbye to her blog. I'm not saying goodbye to her. I'll stalk her until she takes legal action. But I know how it feels to feel pushed out of your own space. I know how it feels to shut down. It may be "just a blog," but it was her blog. Her words. Her space.

And it was beautiful.

So, for what it's worth, Girl, here's your photo. You'll love it because it's horrid. It's dark and the rabbit was ridiculously tiny, so they used the dollar store footstool to prop her feet, and just wow. It's bad. Professional photographers. They're everywhere.

I'll miss your space, your words, and your photos.

P.S. Just in case you want to see the first time I admitted to stalking Girl, here's the post. We've come a long way from me stalking her from afar.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Feelers, Friends, Grief, Share the Love

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Becki DATE:Monday, May 11, 2009 at 10:07:00 PM EDT Very well put!

And seriously, they couldn't at least take the picture above the fugly stool? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Nita DATE:Monday, May 11, 2009 at 10:15:00 PM EDT Well done, and much deserved.

That stool - OMG. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Monday, May 11, 2009 at 10:41:00 PM EDT Perfectly said. Just perfect.

And here's another OMG for the stool.

NicoleB ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Beautifully Unique DATE:Monday, May 11, 2009 at 11:52:00 PM EDT Gah, way to bring a girl to tears. I'll miss that blog too but thank goodness we get to keep the Girl. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jessica DATE:Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 12:18:00 AM EDT : SNIFF :

And again... That stool... What WERE they thinking? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

girl DATE:Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 6:38:00 AM EDT Thanks M. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amy DATE:Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 9:42:00 AM EDT Perfectly put. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amy DATE:Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 9:43:00 AM EDT OMG, I'm sitting here laughing because the first comment on that linked post is me saying, "I love her too!!"

And I still do. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Kelly DATE:Tuesday, May 12, 2009 at 5:19:00 PM EDT Very well said! LOL about the stool! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 12:00:00 PM EDT i am so behind!! I didn't know she shut down! That's soo bummin.

Great post. Keep us updated on how she's doing... ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Small things and smaller me DATE: 4/22/2009 02:26:00 PM ----- BODY:

Yesterday, I was doing some cleaning upstairs after Little Bird's nap. Usually when we work upstairs after a nap, he just plays or runs up and down the hallway, but yesterday, he was watching me. I was unpacking some shelves for pictures, and placing the wrapping on the floor for the trash. Just to see, I asked him if he could throw the trash away. He smiled, picked up the trash and started looking around. I pointed to the trash bag hanging on the door of the closet, and he walked over and proudly put the trash in the bag. Then he came back for more.

It's a small thing, I know. But every time there is two way communication between us, I get so excited. I love that he answers "yes" or "no" questions now, and I love that he can follow simple instructions. I love watching him learn and grow. It's amazing to me.

********

In other news, I've jumped on the bandwagon. Today was the first day of my 30 Day Shred. The shredheads have been inspirational, and I'm ready to say goodbye to the last 10 pounds of baby weight. Which I plan on putting back on soon, but there are swimsuits to wear between now and then.

I'll be blogging my shred, but not here. Until we have "after" pictures to go with my "now" pictures, I'm not sharing with the general population, so it's password protected. But if I know you, or you can tell me who you are, and you would like to follow along with my shredding, just shoot me an email, and I'll send you the password.

Labels: Bird, Blogging Babes, Blogging Innards

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Wednesday, April 22, 2009 at 10:39:00 PM EDT Because I am a sucker for peer pressure, I put that shred DVD on my Netflix list. So of course, I must follow your progress to see if it's worth doing -- you can send me the magic word or just tell me about it when I see you ;) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Thursday, April 23, 2009 at 9:17:00 AM EDT I am doing the shred and it kicks my butt, but honestly I have seen little progress in a few weeks!! Good luck. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Monday, April 27, 2009 at 11:05:00 AM EDT That is SO adorable that he put the trash away for you!

He is getting so big so quick! I can't belive it. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: In which I refrain from hijacking Abby's comments DATE: 4/21/2009 08:16:00 AM ----- BODY:

Last week, Little Bird and I had a wonderful morning at Marbles in downtown Raleigh. We spent most of our time chasing our toddlers through the area that used to be Playspace with a fire engine, a store, train tables, and all sorts of things for pretend play. Before heading our separate ways, we popped over to Roly Poly and grabbed some lunch with the boys.

What do bloggers talk about at lunch? Why, blogging, of course. Abby asked me if I thought quality or quantity was more important on a blog. She has already written about this, and the comments that the post received prompted me to want to weigh in a little further because I read them and just slapped my forehead and said, "Well, duh."

My plain and simple answer was "quantity." This answer, given while feeding a child with no bib and an overdue need for a nap a peanut butter and jelly wrap, obviously needed a little more explanation.

In context, I was telling Abby that I felt quantity was important. When Abby writes a grocery list, it is good writing, so there is a level of quality that is already assumed. There are so many different styles of bloggers out there, and I thought we were mainly talking about blogs with a certain level of quality already there and not craptacular ones written in the voice of a two year old or holding a giveaway every other day.

In that context, when I think of quality, I think of those posts that stand out on Chicken and Cheese or Motherhood Uncensored that come along and take my breath away. While those writers find the time to post something almost every weekday, some days it is a short post with a picture and a punchline. Or some days it is one paragraph with a recent observation. While I'm not saying the shorter posts aren't quality, I was considering them not to be something that was left in draft for days while the author crafted sentence structure and carefully chose just the right words to insure that their thoughts would leave a lasting impression on their readers.

A subtle difference between craft and creation.

I guess I considered it a given that Abby and I would both be reading blogs with general subject/verb agreement, correct spelling, and posts that frequently envoke a deep thought or a deep feeling. I think we were, but I'm not sure when the question "quality or quantity" is asked to a general population of bloggers that the same thing is assumed.

I know there are bloggers out there who hate the term "mommyblogger." It's just a label though, and you can't control what other people call you. What I think they hate more than the word is the association with such a vast diversity of bloggers. There are mommybloggers who are fantastic writers, and write about life, not just motherhood. There are mommybloggers who blog mainly for family and friends, and it really doesn't matter how thought provoking they are as long as there are plenty of pictures of little LuLu in her Easter dress. There are mommybloggers who blog through their photography or their crafting. There are mommybloggers who don't know who they are and seem to change to fit the current trend every few months. There are mommybloggers who just want a free bottle of shampoo and something to give away to their "readers," who are really just people stopping by to win something.

There is also the problem of quality being subjective. I know good writing, and honestly, that's not always what I'm looking for in a blog. Most of the time, I'm looking for a connection too. Are you a blogger who has a homonym problem? Fine. I can overlook that because something else has made me interested in you and your family. Do you occasionly use your space to pimp out a product? Alright then. Because I already read you and care about your life, I don't mind the diversion.

That being said, I don't read terrible writing or dishonest writing. I don't read blogs whose authors aren't genuine or who have proven to be frighteningly crazy. Political conspriacy posts popping up in a normally well written blog? Might just be enough to convince me to remove that blog from my reader. Giveaways or sponsored posts making up the majority of your content? I'm likely to not stay interested.

But for me, blogging is about connections. And like the friend who always waits for you to call them, some bloggers just don't post enough for me to feel like I'm still invested in their lives. If their blog is the only connection I have with them (no emails, no Twitter, no Facebook), then surely it's understandable that I won't stay invested if they only post once or twice a month. I think Abby's first commenter, who also happens to be her very smart husband, put it in better terms when he suggested that quantity didn't have to refer to the frequency, but rather that regularity in which posting occurs. I can agree with that.

Obviously, this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately and not just over lunch with a friend. I've been thinking about it because using my blog to talk about what Little Bird and I did yesterday? Not why I started it. See, I wasn't even married when I started this blog. I wasn't a mommy. I wasn't a mommyblogger. This has always been a space to talk about my feelings and my life, and now? It's a mommyblog. I haven't been sure what to do about that.

I think I know now though. I keep writing. I keep writing as me, and because the people that read my words have connections with me? Then yes. I should write about what Little Bird and I did yesterday if I want to. Even if it was just snuggle and play. Because there is a base level of quality to my writing simply because I have a good English background and was never without a book in front of my face for the first 18 years of my life. However, I like incomplete sentences and I don't worry too much about ending a sentence with a preposition. But that's not the point. I'm not trying to win any writing awards here. I'm not trying to get a book deal.

I'm sharing and working things out in my words. And sharing requires some amount of "quantity." It's part of a working relationship, and part of my view of blogging.

What about you?

Labels: Blogging Babes, Blogging Innards, My Life, Stupid Me

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mrs. Chicken DATE:Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 1:34:00 PM EDT I have A LOT to say about this.

No time to say it here. Look for future post!

also? *mwah*

I lurve you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Magpie DATE:Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 1:58:00 PM EDT I do it for the same reasons you do, and also to keep a record, a diary if you will. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

nikki DATE:Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 2:29:00 PM EDT This is a great post, Marty.

Like I said over at Abby's blog, I think quality means much more to me than quantity - but by "quality" I don't necessarily mean the world's greatest writing; I just mean...I like what I like, and I know what I like. If I like it, I'll read it, no matter how long/short/unusual/mundane. People who post ten little posts a day tend to lose me, but that's just because we're all so busy - it's not because I don't think they SHOULD post ten posts a day if they want to! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 7:32:00 PM EDT Agreed... both to Abby and to Marty :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

@sweetbabboo DATE:Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 8:35:00 PM EDT First off, I wish my grocery lists were enough quality to post. I'd love for them to do double duty. Admittedly, I will rewrite them if the handwriting is too bad or my columns don't line up properly.

Secondly, we were on the same page. I too was assuming that the writing was generally of good quality. I wish I would have made that clear in my post. I can't stand to read blogs with truly poor writing. The teacher (and perfectionist) in me simply can't tolerate it.

This entire question stems from my own insecurities. I simply can't write high quality posts all of the time. I just don't have that active a social life or that much creativity. Instead, I hope that writing more frequent so-so posts helps make up for it. But then again, the pressure to blog daily is often overwhelming too.

What I really need to do is take my husband's advice and stop giving myself a grade for every post especially when my scale only awards an A+ to Kristen Chase or Sweet-Salty Kate. Seriously, they have book deals. I will not be the next Hemingway, Austen, or even Stephen King. I need to stop comparing myself that way.

I could say so much more but then I'd be hijacking your comments. Instead, I'm going to go off and start chanting my new mantra, "You are not being graded on this. You are not being graded on this."

Is it working?

-Abby

PS- I was however totally stoked that Mom-101 commented on my blog. How cool is that? That's almost as good as seeing Colin Firth in the grocery store. Almost. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

whymommy DATE:Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 8:36:00 PM EDT I'm obsessive about posting every day. I wish I weren't. I know it's not about (that kind of) quantity, and that no one has time to read me every day. But for me, it's what I need to do.

I write when I need to get something out. Period. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

@sweetbabboo DATE:Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 8:36:00 PM EDT Ok, now that I see exactly how long my comment was I realize that I hijacked your comments afterall. Sorry 'bout that. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Monday, April 27, 2009 at 11:05:00 AM EDT wow.. what a great post!

I would read you every day if you only talked about poopy diapers.

Cause it's YOU that I come here for.. oh and the shots of little cutie patootie bird. :) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Reaching In DATE: 4/12/2009 12:00:00 PM ----- BODY:

I don't know how to explain it, this grief that has permeated every thought this week. It's not like I knew her. We are fellow bloggers in the SVMoms group. Twitter friends. Internet acquaintances.

But the grief is real for her and her husband and everyone who did know Maddie. Everyone whose life she touched, and that includes mine.

The thing is, it didn't matter how well we knew her, how long we knew her, or if we knew her in real life or not. Maddie's eyes, her smile, warmed our hearts even as they brightened our screen. Her passing is beyond tragic.

There begins the cycle. I mourn for Maddie, and then I think about the unimaginable pain her parents feel, and I mourn for them. I know that I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Then this morning, the first email I read is one with the news that Shana lost her baby boy, Thalon yesterday. I'm so tempted to close down my computer and not come back for a week because I just can't bear the sadness. My stomach feels like a bowling ball has taken up residence, and my head hurts from holding back the tears.

But I won't shut down. Because whatever I feel, is only a tiny tiny fraction of the agony that Heather and Shana must feel right now and forever more. Being here, leaving comments, donating, praying, and supporting however I can is what I have to offer these two families whose pain is felt across the world by people who have never even met them.

This community - we feel what we feel deeply. We, if I may boldly say, shoulder some of the pain when another of us hurts. Every time I have lost a pregnancy, an unborn baby, the community has come together and woven a blanket of support to warm me. We helped carry Susan through a horrific battle with cancer. We do these things for each other as fellow mothers, writers, Twitters, bloggers, and friends.

So when Heather or Shana need a break from holding up the weight of their grief, I hope they know that there are thousands of hands, reaching in to hold it up for them for as long as they need us to.

Triangle area March for Maddie

Labels: Blogging Babes, Deep South Moms, Feelers, Grief, Share the Love

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

whymommy DATE:Monday, April 13, 2009 at 6:41:00 PM EDT Amen. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Monday, April 13, 2009 at 6:43:00 PM EDT Oh Marty -- I don't even know what to say, except I am so sad for you and for your friends and those sweet babies. I cannot even imagine the pain, and my heart aches even with the thought of it. We are sending you (and them) the light. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

jodifur DATE:Tuesday, April 14, 2009 at 8:49:00 PM EDT What a beautiful post. And I wrote a similar one today also. Because how can you not? It's all so awful. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

cindy w DATE:Wednesday, April 15, 2009 at 4:58:00 PM EDT Very good post. And thanks for linking to my March for Babies Maddie team. We've already got six people marching in Maddie's honor, but I'd love to have more. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

becky DATE:Thursday, April 16, 2009 at 12:34:00 PM EDT I am so very sad this has happened to both of them. Maddie was only 11 days older than my little guy. Everywhere I go right now, I see her face. And I just start sobbing every time.

Then, someone posted a link to Shana. I had no idea her little guy was sick. I met her the year before I met you, at BlogHer in Chicago. I cannot imagine the pain (and I'm afraid to). My heart goes with both of them. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Susie DATE:Sunday, April 19, 2009 at 12:35:00 PM EDT I'm just catching up and absorbing the pain as well. It's just so unfair. My heart breaks for these families... ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Madeline Alice Spohr DATE: 4/08/2009 08:39:00 AM ----- BODY:

Love and support is needed. Donations can be made to the March of Dimes via the button on Heather's page.

Be sure to stop by Maddie's page and learn more about the little girl who will be so missed.

Edited to add: Their blog is down right now, but you can donate in Maddie's memory directly by this link.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Deep South Moms, Grief

----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Reconsidering the reasons DATE: 3/09/2009 10:47:00 AM ----- BODY:

BlogHer, the conference, is something I assumed I would attend this year. I've been twice now, and it helps me give credit to what I do here, and here, and here, and here.

The first year I attended, I roomed with an amazing woman and got to hang with some super cool bloggettes. It was validating to be around so many great writers and to learn more about the craft and the business. I was inspired.

Then I got a little busy having a baby and all. There wasn't as much time to do the reviews I had been doing for Props and Pans. I got tired of always being down and dragging my blog through the muck. I kept up with it, but only half-heartedly.

By the time summer came, I was feeling a little better about things and Little Bird and I took off for BlogHer once again. We met my momma there, and she helped watch after Bird while I attended the conference.

Here's the thing. I didn't feel connected. Most of the people I knew and had hung with the year before were all attending outside events that I didn't know about and wasn't part of. It's hard to say that without sounding like sour grapes, and you certainly can't say it right after the conference or people get terribly defensive, and you get labeled a whiner.

I'm not whining, I'm just stating some facts. Facts that have been influencing how I look at blogging. Besides, what affected me was not that I wasn't invited to events, it was that I wasn't missed. As in, no one noticed that I wasn't there or included. I felt invisible. Plus, I didn't get to visit with the people I really wanted to visit with because they were busy. With these other things. Maybe invisible isn't the word, maybe it's just disconnected.

I've been doing this for a few years now, and I know that "canape" is one of those names that illicits the, "Oh yeah, I've heard of her," response. I also know that I have a small (but fantabulous) readership. I'm okay with that. I will not find my fame and fortune with blogging. I never intended to.

There are bloggers on every level who I consider friends. They are terrific women who I'm humbled to have personal relationships with. The thing is, they have their own circles of friends, so even though I have friends, I don't have a group of friends. I've had this issue my whole life. I can be friends with a jock, a geek, a freak, and a brain, but I never have fit in with the whole group of jocks, geeks, freaks, or brains.

I stand alone, in the end. Always alone at some point or another, but yet never forever. I'm working on learning how to be a part of a group. There are some women who have been schooling me in that for about 18 months now. It's a good lesson to learn.

In the meantime though, there is the question of BlogHer. It has come down to this for me:

I am not ever going to do reviews for a living or on this blog.
I will never have enough traffic to sell adspace here, nor will I be changing my writing style and content to make it so.
While I love reading several different blogs, I have lost the urge to connect with every single blogger that I love in real life. I don't need to meet the musicians whose albums I love. It's become the same sort of thing.
I have a bigger desire for the real life connections I make via the internet to happen locally. There are some amazing bloggers right here where I live, and I would like to cultivate relationships with them.
For what it would cost me to go to BlogHer, my family could spend a week in the mountains.

That is the bottom line. Do I value networking and the possiblity of making a few more connections over giving my family some much needed time off together? Do I really think that I can accomplish enough at BlogHer to justify choosing it over a week off with my boys?

I just don't think so.

Having said that, I am not against going with a sponsorship. If some company wants to pay my way and have me wear their name plastered on my behind, that would be alright with me. I think the conference is a wonderful thing, and if I end up there this year, I would do some things differently.

I would be a little more outgoing. I would find out ahead of time what was going on and when, and I would get myself included. Because in the end, most of the events surrounding the conference weren't exclusive - getting left out is way different than being excluded.

We'll see. For now though, I'm going to book that cabin in the Appalachians and look forward to some quiet summer days with my family.

And I'm going to keep writing and reading. Because that's what this is all about in the end.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Blogher, Family, Feelers, My Life

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mrs. Chicken DATE:Monday, March 9, 2009 at 3:46:00 PM EDT I know exactly what you mean. I've never been and now I feel like maybe I don't want to be part of it, for all the reasons you've listed here.

Great post. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Misa Gracie DATE:Monday, March 9, 2009 at 3:46:00 PM EDT I'm right along with you on this one. I went to Blogher in the past and don't think I'll be shelling out the bucks this year - instead I'm taking a much needed vakay in Vancouver with my sister (who also went to Blogher with me in 07). I write because I love it. The end.

Enjoy the mountains! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amy DATE:Monday, March 9, 2009 at 4:37:00 PM EDT I intended to go for the first time this year, but with the economy like it is, and me only a "hobby blogger," there is no way I can justify it. We too are planning a vacation around that time and it's what I would much rather do! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

gail DATE:Monday, March 9, 2009 at 5:18:00 PM EDT I've never been and the main reason I wanted to go was well, because you were. Now that I've met you, I don't want to go anymore.

I'm a tiny fish, a itty bitty one in a great big bloggy pond. I thought whoa, 19 comments, I'm a rockstar. Yeah not so much.

I wasn't ok with that for a long time.

Today? I am.

Only I wish you didn't stand alone. Or feel like you had to because you are and will always be a part of my group.

Misfit group that it is. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

@sweetbabboo DATE:Monday, March 9, 2009 at 10:50:00 PM EDT There was a time that I truly wanted to attend BlogHer, but not so much anymore. Blogging really seems to be an exclusive group (like the popular crowd) of which I'm just not part. And really, that's ok.

There was a period of time when I devoted hours and hours to trying to fit in... blogging daily, commenting constantly, basically working my butt off at this imaginary job. And the only thing all that hard work got me was stress. My stats didn't significantly increase, my comments didn't go up, etc. Instead, I was constantly stressed, constantly disappointed, and as a result not exactly a great mom or wife.

Now, I'm trying really hard to realistically define why I blog- to feel connected, and I'm pretty certain those connections aren't going to happen with most of my favorite bloggers at Blogher. It would be especially difficult as I tend to be a bit of a wallflower and am not apt to put myself out there.

Instead, I agree with you that I need to focus on these real-life achievable friendships and just continue to worship Kristen Chase and Kate Inglis from afar. At least I can find comfort in knowing some truly fantastic bloggers right here in the Triangle.

We can have our own little Blogher party at my place if you want. We'll call is Bah-her.

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 6:52:00 AM EDT I have not been to Blogher, but I have to say, I wouldn't go either. It never even crossed my mind to attend. Not my cup of tea.

I would much rather spend the week in the mountains too. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 7:45:00 AM EDT Thanks for including me in your list. Know the feeling of being in a group without really belonging. Hope you know you have a safe place in my little crowd any day. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

nikki DATE:Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 10:53:00 AM EDT In many ways I don't really feel like a blogger at all. I started A Small Song to keep family and friends updated on Abigail - and a year later, now, I'm almost 100% positive that not a single family member reads it, although many of our friends do. Most of my readership are people who followed me over from Livejournal, where I've kept a semi-locked journal since (really) 2001. Most of my online friendships were made via LJ. And although a ton of my LJ friends "blog" as well, I think most of us are still unsure exactly how to go about blogging, finding a real blog audience. We're not even sure if that's what we should want.

Blah blah blah Ginger, I guess what I'm saying is that at this point in my life, I would rather just write for me, and the small group of friends/whoever who read my blog, than worry about knowing or becoming one of the chosen few. And I'd like to cultivate real-life connections as well, so I dearly hope we can manage to meet up one of these days. Maybe now that cold/flu season is on the way out! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

whymommy DATE:Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 3:32:00 PM EDT Well, I, for one, will miss you there. But you know that. You also know whether you go to something like that or not would never affect our friendship.

I wish I'd known how you were feeling last year ... I thought you were just tired from not sleeping. I would have TOTALLY forcibly dragged you places had I known. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

No Minimom DATE:Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 7:30:00 PM EDT "As in, no one noticed that I wasn't there or included. I felt invisible."

This. I was gung ho about going this year since it's just a state away, but I know that I would feel just that way.

But know that I notice you and I think you're FABULOUS!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mem DATE:Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 11:51:00 PM EDT so i'm that girl/woman too- never fit in but never alone... i've often wondered why that was... i'm glad to know i have a chum who is also friends with the geeks, the freaks, the cool kids, the drool kids, the brain... oh whatever i can't miminc your rhyme. you get me point. luv ya k ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: These women who I love DATE: 2/24/2009 09:09:00 PM ----- BODY:

There really has to be a better terminology than "in real life." You've probably seen it online - IRL - to denote between what is real and what occurs online. I used to use it. I've decided I'm done with the phrase.

The friends I've made via the internet are as real as the friends I get to see face to face. Granted, there are differences to the relationships, the history, and how they play out, but they are just as real.

It's my birthday. Yup. Today. Fat Tuesday. I freaking love it when my birthday falls on Mardi Gras. I get to stick a candle in a King Cake and dance around like a fool. It's awesome.

I got the best present this year. I had to beg for it, but I got it.

Kevin took me to Baltimore to see some of my friends. Some of my real friends. We spent the afternoon with a crowd of them, and then spent the night with Nita and her family. It was absolutely wonderful.

These women have invested themselves in my life. They have trusted me and given me reason to trust them. They have stayed with me through my cliched darkest days and brightest ones as well. We have grieved together and celebrated together. I honestly love them.

Gail, Amy, Jill, Nicole, Heather, Jessica, Nita were all there. I had never met any of them in person before, and yet there wasn't a moment of awkwardness. Well, except when I cried during my first Gail hug. Or cried again when I was telling Jill goodbye. Or when Amy texted and said that she was going to make it after all. Okay. So it was awkward when I kept crying. I couldn't help it though. I was too too happy.

Thank you, Kev, for going with me and meeting these fantastic women. I hope next time that the whole group can be together. The whole group of real friends.

Happy birthday to me. I'm a lucky lucky woman. And yes, I'm aware that my child is only 1 and is already a boob man. That has to be my favorite picture ever.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Friends, My Life, Warm Fuzzies

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C.K. DATE:Tuesday, February 24, 2009 at 9:42:00 PM EST I think the phrase you're looking for is "in meatspace." ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Daily Verses DATE:Tuesday, February 24, 2009 at 9:55:00 PM EST Happy Birthday, lady. I didn't find your crying to be awkward at all. I was, and still am, so moved by what you said to me. I love you and hope you have the best, fattest Tuesday birthday ever! I am so glad that you and the other ladies are now "IRL" friends! :-) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

gail DATE:Tuesday, February 24, 2009 at 10:48:00 PM EST Happy birthday my friend. Here is to another year together, May there be many more friendship filled years!

Jilly you're included in the IRL stuff. Just sayin'. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Nita DATE:Tuesday, February 24, 2009 at 11:07:00 PM EST Happy Birthday!!! It was such a pleasure to spend time with you and it was really an amazing experience, getting to actually meet all of these ladies. We are so lucky to have each other.

I am so happy you had a great birthday. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Wednesday, February 25, 2009 at 6:57:00 AM EST Happy Birthday!!! I am so glad you go to go meet up with your friends. That's awesome. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amy DATE:Wednesday, February 25, 2009 at 9:20:00 AM EST Happy birthday! I actually feel closer to you now that we've seen each other face to face, than I did before, and that's saying a lot. It's been a wonderful ride these past two years, and I'm hoping there are many more to come. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Spacemom DATE:Wednesday, February 25, 2009 at 11:47:00 AM EST Happy Birthday!(a day late)

The IRL always sounds funny. I use "cyber friends" or "Axe murderers" for my net friends! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Beautifully Unique DATE:Wednesday, February 25, 2009 at 3:40:00 PM EST That is truly an amazing birthday gift. I'm so bummed that I live so far away and wasn't able to join in the meet-up. Maybe some other time.
And I agree, I couldn't have any better friends than my "real" friends I've met through NMD. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

MB DATE:Wednesday, February 25, 2009 at 10:45:00 PM EST Happy Birthday! Mine is 2/24 too! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

whymommy DATE:Friday, February 27, 2009 at 11:48:00 AM EST I'm glad you had such a good time with your friends. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Happy birthday little Pippi DATE: 2/21/2009 10:32:00 PM ----- BODY:

Little Bird's first friend turns one tomorrow. Her mama has a new blog, and it's a rather nice place to visit, especially whilst I gather myself again. I think you'll find though, that you'll want to stick around.

Add another to your reader, you know you want to.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Friends

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Monday, February 23, 2009 at 12:02:00 PM EST You are too good to me ;) ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Respect the blog DATE: 2/01/2009 09:13:00 PM ----- BODY:

"I may be just a little fairy, but I have a big vocabulary!"

It's my favorite line in Abby Cadabby's song "I Love Words." Christopher and I watch that video on the Sesame Street website at least three times a week. He sits on my lap and bounces while I sing along.

Although I haven't followed the 'no TV before 2' rule, we read far more than we watch TV. He gets about 15-20 minutes of Sesame Street in the afternoons, and on Sunday morning, we usually watch a weird little show called "Lomax, the Hound of Music." However, in this house, books rule. I want for my children to love words as much as I do.

I love reading words. I love writing words. I love prose, poetry, song lyrics. I will read anything. Cereal boxes, recipes, old letters that I've read 100 times before - it doesn't matter. I am fascinated by how words fit together like puzzle pieces to create exactly the right picture. Even when the words are crammed together like clowns in a tiny car and don't quite seem to work? I still love them.

I don't pretend to be a writer. Well, maybe I do, but not a good one. A few months ago, I took an online creative non-fiction class. The instructor was quite good, and I enjoyed the assignments very much. Truth is, I don't have the discipline to be a good writer right now. I would much rather sit down at my blog and type out what I could pay someone $200 an hour to listen to than craft rough draft after rough draft.

However.

The importance of these words cannot be discounted. I have found my words splogged across other sites. Ideas I have had and started here continue on without a mention of where they began. It's not cool. It's disrespectful. It needs to stop. Especially the particularly nasty sites where some perky titted naked chick poses above one of my posts about my baby. Creepy and wrong.

Kelly is spelling it out. Her writing made for a lovely article in The Times online. Only they didn't link to her. They mentioned her, but used huge amounts of her material without even a single link. No respect.

Mommyblogging is a radical act. We've discussed it. We all know it. We are telling the stories of motherhood in a new day and age. Connecting across boundaries that once were too far and too wide to reach. There is power in our writing and in our community.

It's time for us to respect ourselves and demand it from others too.

Respect the blog.

Go on over to Don Mills Diva and join the revolution. You deserve it.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Blogging Innards

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Don Mills Diva DATE:Sunday, February 1, 2009 at 10:11:00 PM EST Perfect opening line - write on girl! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

whymommy DATE:Monday, February 2, 2009 at 10:35:00 AM EST Write on! indeed. Absolutely. I can't believe what happened to her! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

thedailywit DATE:Monday, February 2, 2009 at 3:17:00 PM EST Great post. I'm not a blogging mommy (blogging daddy though), but I support your movement.

I've never generated anything that anyone would want to misappropriate, but through the power of Google and link tracking, I found a guy debating something I had written without inviting me to the debate.

When I visited his site and introduced him to a sometimes troublesome concept called "facts," he changed his tune.

It's a wild world.

The Daily Wit f/k/a supercynic ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Clifford DATE:Monday, February 2, 2009 at 9:56:00 PM EST Paragraph 7. Serious? And I thought I...er, nevermind. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Ginaagain DATE:Monday, February 9, 2009 at 10:30:00 PM EST "Especially the particularly nasty sites where some perky titted naked chick poses above one of my posts about my baby. Creepy and wrong."

Eww, creepy and wrong indeed! What in the world do you do about that? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Melanie DATE:Thursday, February 12, 2009 at 4:21:00 PM EST Great post! You speak the truth. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Elizabeth DATE:Sunday, February 22, 2009 at 1:33:00 AM EST visiting via DMD. I agree about the creepyness. Why would someone do that? Couldn't they write their own mommy story for their porn site? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Sunday, December 27, 2009 at 3:13:00 AM EST Well I acquiesce in but I contemplate the brief should acquire more info then it has. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Little stitches DATE: 12/18/2008 09:14:00 PM ----- BODY:

Kevin is very understanding of my "online friends." He doesn't give me any crap about going to BlogHer. He doesn't bat an eye when I run off to the Post Office to send a package to a NMD friend. When I quote Girl eighteen times in one day, he doesn't let out a single sigh. He knows they have supported me and carried me through some of my darkest times.

Last Saturday, the doorbell rang. We were in the bedroom getting dressed. I am pretty sure I was crying. I did a lot of that last weekend.

Kevin came back upstairs with a box from ProFlowers. I have to be honest; I assumed it was from my parents, but it wasn't.

The card read, "I'm sorry for your loss," and it was from my friend Amy. My online friend, Amy. A woman who I haven't even been so lucky to sit down with in person managed to wrap her arms around me from miles and miles away and put the first stitch in my broken heart. Amazing.

This is what they look like today. Everyday this week, this is what I see when I leave the house. I put them by the front door on purpose. It used to be that the last thing I would see when I left the house was Chelsea. She would follow me to the front door and look up at me as I said, every time, "I'll be back soon. Be a sweet girl." Every time. Until the past couple of months, when she stopped getting up to follow me to the door.

Nonetheless, the last thing I saw leaving the house were these flowers. Reminding me that I'm a lucky woman to have friends like Amy.

Little stitches in a broken heart. I bet she has no idea how much she helped, but Kevin and I do. Now you do too.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Friends, Grief, Pups

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

gail DATE:Thursday, December 18, 2008 at 9:40:00 PM EST Amazing. The both of you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Daily Verses DATE:Thursday, December 18, 2008 at 10:03:00 PM EST Oh how sweet. She's a doll. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Barry DATE:Friday, December 19, 2008 at 9:49:00 AM EST Beautiful post, Marty. It's truly amazing how much we can bless each other's lives with "little stitches". Lord help us all to seize opportunities to do so.

Love,

BD ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amy DATE:Friday, December 19, 2008 at 2:43:00 PM EST Oh wow. Thank you.

I wish I could have done more. It hurts my heart to read about the pain you were/are in. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Beth DATE:Friday, December 19, 2008 at 3:57:00 PM EST I'm so sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))
and I'm so glad you're blogging again! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

toddlerplanet DATE:Saturday, December 20, 2008 at 12:17:00 PM EST Hey. Stimey just told me about your loss. I am so, so sorry to hear about Chelsea. I tried to read the post -- and it just broke my heart into little pieces.

My heart (what's left of it) is with you guys these days. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Giveaway at Triangle Mamas DATE: 12/09/2008 01:10:00 PM ----- BODY:

Remember this song?

This week at Triangle Mamas, you can enter to win your own copy of the CD, Blue Ridge Reunion, and the book of watercolors of the North Carolina mountains that accompanies it.

I hope you will click over and enter to win!

Labels: Blogging Babes, Music, Triangle Mamas, Warm Fuzzies

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

prem DATE:Wednesday, December 10, 2008 at 2:34:00 AM EST Kudos !!! enjoyed reading your blog ,interesting posts. i like to be one of the blog lists in your blog mine is www.voilaprem.blogspot.com...by prem ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

toddlerplanet DATE:Friday, December 12, 2008 at 2:46:00 PM EST Hey. Welcome back. ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Advent blogs DATE: 12/01/2008 09:53:00 PM ----- BODY:

It certainly didn't take long for me to fall out of the habit of posting.

Of course, this past weekend we put up a couple of Christmas trees. Only one live one this year, due to the baby on the loose. I bought a beautifully tacky silver pre-lit tree for the family room. It's only four feet tall and is safely posed upon a table, out of the reach of Mr. Kickypants.

I am distracted easily by shiny Christmas things and the laughter of my child. Writing is still important, but so is playing with the Little People Nativity set that Nana sent.

There is someone who is posting everyday though, two people, actually.

The first is Momma. She is posting an Advent devotional everyday this month. I really hope that if you are looking for something to enrich your Christmas season, that you will go over and visit her. She wrote the series for the church she is attending now, but is posting it daily on her blog.

The second is Heather. She is posting a musical Advent calendar on her blog. It was something I truly enjoyed last year and was so happy to see her doing it again. I hope you will bookmark her and start each day this season with music carefully selected for you by CGF.

Now, I've got some Christmas stockings to finish for my family. I promise pictures for my inspirational crafting goddess friend, Girl.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Handmade, Holidays

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Candygirlflies DATE:Tuesday, December 2, 2008 at 7:34:00 PM EST Thanks, Canape!! I'm so glad you're enjoying the music.

xoxo CGF ----- -------- AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Things are hopping DATE: 8/23/2008 09:05:00 PM ----- BODY:

I hope you've stopped by the new blog, Triangle Mamas. Girl did a beautiful job of whipping up a logo and a template for us. She's an honorary Triangle Mama now. In Pennsylvania, but so what?

Abby has introduced herself. And so has Susie. Since most everyone here is a transplant, we're all sharing how we got here. I'm going to work on my transplant story next.

I really like it over there. It's cozy and the company is terrific. Hope you can stop and sit a spell.

And if you are a Triangle Mama and are interested in writing with us, please let me know.

Labels: Blogging Babes, Triangle Mamas

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

gail DATE:Monday, August 25, 2008 at 9:22:00 AM EDT I hope it's just as awesome as you are!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

katy DATE:Thursday, August 28, 2008 at 1:03:00 PM EDT Not the disco ball....it deserves a place out where it can be seen and loved. Put it in the pepto bathroom and I bet prospective buyers will faint from happiness. ----- --------