AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: The coda and cadence DATE: 9/14/2008 01:00:00 AM ----- BODY:

This blog is where I became who I am.

My marriage began during this blog.

My first baby lives only in these pages now.

I became a mother here in these words. First a stepmother. Then the mother of a baby that would never be held. Then Little Bird's mothe r.

It's where I have made too many friends to link to, but you know who you all are.

My words will stay here. They won't be taken down. But they won't be added to either.

This will be my last post.

I have been of the belief that it was perfectly fine to write about personal things here. To talk openly about my son and my husband. To give whoever wanted it a glimpse into our lives. Internet privacy wasn't a huge concern for me. I knew that whatever I posted was fair game and that if I didn't want something known, that I shouldn't put it on the internet.

However.

I had only considered the consequences of nasty crazy strangers who don't know my last name, where I live, or how to find me.

I never considered the consequences of people that know who we are and where we live.

By posting about going to the Liam Finn concert, I opened the door to let someone show up to that event and harass us. I also gave them a completely open window of time when they knew that my son would be home without me. Thank God they chose to come to the club and not our home.

That was the most irresponsible thing I have ever done in my entire life.

I will not repeat that mistake.

And to make sure, I will not be using this space any longer.

Maybe there will be another space someday. Something private with passwords. Something that the people I have grown to love here can still share with me.

For now though, I need to put the keyboard down. Stop feeding them. Stop giving them access into our lives. Stop pretending that they are inconsequential in our lives. We don't know that, and because of that unknown, the safest thing for me to do it to stop.

I feel like I have just ripped my fingers off and thrown them on the ground. My heart feels like I punched myself in the chest a dozen times. My gut is turning and begging me not to be bullied. Not to give in.

But it's not about that.

It's not a situation of "being beaten" or "giving in."

It's a situation of I love my son and my husband more than the air that I breathe and the life that I have.

And I should have been protecting them all along from someone who wishes them nothing but harm and ill will.

I am so very sorry, Darling.

You all know how to find me. Email will remain the same. At least for awhile. I hope you will stay in touch, and let me know if you would like to be informed of a new safe space in the future.

V7 and I.

We're done.

Labels: Blogging Innards, Divorce, Grief, Guy and Me, Things I Should Keep to Myself

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Andria and Co. DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 1:03:00 AM EDT Oh Marty, I am going to miss this space. But, I will see you elsewhere.

I am angry, upset, and completely taken aback that someone could be so brazen, and frankly, immature. This person needs to stop acting like a child, and put her child first. Doesn't she see that she looks like a fool?! I am so sorry that you and your family have to deal with the continual onslaught of abuse from that person. Hopefully it ends soon.

Again, I am so glad that she focused her negativity on you and Guy that night, instead of going over to the house. OH MY GAWD, there would be hell to pay. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bobbie DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 6:23:00 AM EDT I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we live in a world where people (grownups!) behave the way they do. Do what you need to do to protect your family.

I've enjoyed reading about you and Little Bird.

Best of luck. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 7:42:00 AM EDT Oh, I'll miss you. We've never met, of course, but I checked in on you every day.
Best, best of luck in life. Enjoy that husband and yummy baby.
I will think of you,
Cari in NY ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Nita DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 8:06:00 AM EDT Oh Marty, I am going so sorry that you have to go through this. I understand taking whatever measures necessary to protect your family.

I will miss you dearly but look forward to maintaining contact in other ways. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Sonja DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 8:08:00 AM EDT Marty, I am so sorry it had to come to this! I know this space means a lot to you and you worked really hard to get it where it is...
But you are doing the right thing by not feeding the evil anymore!

HUGS

Sonja ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

gail DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 8:14:00 AM EDT I'm am so very sorry but so very proud you are big enough to do this. Those two children are beyond lucky to have you in their lives.

You will be missed, deeply and I hope you can find a private place where you are write and share without any worry, any fear. Everyone deserves that. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

K DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 8:44:00 AM EDT Oh no! That is awful (and incredibly scary!). I am continually dismayed that there are people who use their energy like that. I am so sorry. I have enjoyed reading your words and thoughts. If you decide to do something private, please keep me in mind. I wish you and your family the best. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

~vee DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 9:07:00 AM EDT Wow. I can only echo the sentiments of everyone that posted before me...Why do some "adults" spend so much time spewing ugliness to others? You're right though, you've not been beaten. You are only out-smarting/out-thinking the immature. ~vee ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

myrelish DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 9:26:00 AM EDT Like many others, I am a frequent lurker (a nice friendly one, not a crazy stalker) on your site and have enjoyed the read, laughing and crying along with you. I am saddened, angry and more than annoyed to think that someone could take such a beautiful and personal space and ruin it.
Take care of yourself and your beautiful family,
Del in Australia ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 9:54:00 AM EDT I will miss reading your funny and honest entries, however your family is MORE important, like you said!! We will miss you! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

CelticBuffy DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 10:28:00 AM EDT I understand and respect the decision to stop. I am anonymous as there are people on the edge of my life who would take whatever they could to use to hurt me. I'm glad that things were focused on you and your husband and not your child. Not that I'm glad any of this happened. My thoughts are with your family. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Stella DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 10:31:00 AM EDT I am really going to miss you!

I am so very sorry that you had to endure that. I understand and respect your decision. Your family absolutely comes first.

I hope to find you again in the future.

I am so sorry! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

slouchy DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 10:37:00 AM EDT I'm so sorry, Marty.

Keep in touch, OK?

xo ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Trish DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 11:31:00 AM EDT I have been lurking your blog for quite some time now. While I am sad I will no longer get to read about you and your beautiful family, I totally understand the reasons behind your decision. If anyone were to come after my family I would do whatever it takes to protect them.
Good luck. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Stimey DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 11:31:00 AM EDT Oh, I am so sorry. I am completely outraged for you. And I understand why you are doing this. I will miss you here. Please let me know if/when you open up shop elsewhere.

I am going to miss reading about you and your life. I really will.

Best of luck! Love! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bree DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 12:20:00 PM EDT Oh wow. I just got back to blogging and now this. I totally understand, though. It's partly why I stopped blogging for months. I am now back with all new names and places. I just felt that blogging is such a good outlet for me, but I must remain anonymous.

Take good care. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 2:55:00 PM EDT I'm so sorry Marty...I love your blog and think the world of you.

I hope one day you will be able to return to blogging; and I am so proud of you for making this decision.

Your children and your husband are some of the most lucky people I know.

~NicoleB ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jenn DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 5:13:00 PM EDT This is one of those times when you've got to do what you've got to do. Good for you for choosing the right thing. I'll be seeing you elsewhere, but missing you horribly here.

Perhaps one day this person will realize that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. You don't let it make you sour.

Best wishes finding a spot to exercise your fingers. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 5:40:00 PM EDT I hope you find your safe spot for a new online nest. But I am glad to know you have other avenues to express yourself. I'll miss it here.
~C ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

3 Bundles for Me DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 7:33:00 PM EDT Oh, I am so sorry. I don't think I have ever commented, but wanted to say how sorry I am you went through that. That is my fear about putting myself out there.

You will be missed.
Good Luck!
Sarah ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

spacemom DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 8:52:00 PM EDT I am sorry this happened. I am furious that someone would take the opportunity to hunt you down like that.

UGH

I understand for safety.
You have my email: but here it is again: thespacemom at gmail dot com

Please let me know when/if you blog again ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

toddlerplanet DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 9:04:00 PM EDT I will miss you here.

(This SUCKS.) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

@sweetbabboo DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 9:23:00 PM EDT I know this decision was not made lightly. I hate that it is one you have had to make. I am so glad that I found you before this happened and that I will continue to know you because of it.

I guess all I can say is... I'm sorry this happened. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amy DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 9:30:00 PM EDT I hate that it's come to this. I will miss this blog. A lot. But I won't miss YOU cause I know where to find you. And I will stalk you in a very good way. I may show up on your doorstep as well, but just to smother Bird with kisses. :-) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Daily Verses DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 10:02:00 PM EDT I will miss you so so much in the blogosphere. I have enjoyed every post. You are one of a kind; it is easy to see why your sweet nature, generous heart, and life full of love would cause someone great jealousy. See you where I see you! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Unkempt Mommy DATE:Sunday, September 14, 2008 at 11:16:00 PM EDT I'm so sorry that you have to do this, Marty. It makes me so sad/mad for you and it really sucks that you are having to give up something that is dear to you because of someone who cannot act like a mature adult. I hope you do find another little spot on the web someday....someplace where you cannot be harassed. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Kami DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 3:16:00 AM EDT Totally understand this, I just made mine private (about a month ago) and it's because of people I know...not the people I don't. I will so miss reading about you and your family. And whoever showed up must be completely obsessed to do that, wtf? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 6:58:00 AM EDT Floored and almost in tears that this happened to you! OMG!

I would still love to come see you in spring! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Nancy DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 9:20:00 AM EDT I'm so sorry. Some people really, really suck.

Thanks for sharing so much of your life on this space so far. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 10:00:00 AM EDT How awful that someone would be so crazy and spiteful. I read often although I don't comment very frequently, but I will miss your posts for sure. You are certainly making the right decision for your family, although you will be missed here. Good luck! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

The Laundress DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 12:40:00 PM EDT This does not make me happy. It makes me sad. And scared. And doubtful of why we blog in the first place.

I am so sorry you are going through this right now.

Just know, you have left a mark on my heart through your blog and I will follow you anywhere you write. So, if you do decide to move on somewhere else, please remember to let me know where I can find you again.

JJ ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Liz DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 12:50:00 PM EDT i'm going to miss you and your words.

don't be a stranger, my love. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Lauren DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 4:05:00 PM EDT I've enjoyed reading your blog and watching Little Bird grow.I found you through Toddlerplanet. I hope you find peace and can start writing again someday. So glad the situation didn't turn out even more scary than it did. Blessings to you and your family. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

TheMusingMommy DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 5:30:00 PM EDT I'm so bummed to read this. What an unfortunate situation. But, totally understand. I have enjoyed your posts very much, and really appreciated your thoughts on motherhood and the like. I will miss checking in here! Good luck, and I hope the situation gets better. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Michelle Lynn DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 9:46:00 PM EDT Will miss you. I'm so very sorry you have to give up the space you have poured so much of yourself into. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Magpie DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 10:09:00 PM EDT Wow - I'm so sorry. That just sucks. We'll miss you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

katy DATE:Monday, September 15, 2008 at 10:51:00 PM EDT So sad, but I do understand. I remember the day after my son was born and there had been a baby kidnapped from the hospital. I told my husband that night that for the first time in my life I thought I understood how someone could commit murder. If someone were going to hurt my son I would probably try..... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Ally DATE:Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 4:29:00 PM EDT Wow, that is so hard. I'm sorry and so angry that someone would try to hurt or harass your family. Take good care now, and I'll be thinking of you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Susie DATE:Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 7:42:00 PM EDT I have been missing your voice here and just clicked over to see, if by chance you had posted anything and read this. I am so sorry to hear about this. When you emailed, I thought about joking that Liam Finn must have put out a restraining order on you for stalking him but I see that this in no joking matter.
You may be signing off of Don't Take the Repeats, but no one can take your words - your voice. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amy DATE:Tuesday, September 16, 2008 at 10:15:00 PM EDT I'll miss you! I lost a baby, and then had one in Jan 08. I felt connected to you. I am so glad you are taking care of you &your family.

Amy ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Kendra DATE:Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 7:57:00 AM EDT I'll miss checking in on you everyday. Being a lurker, you might know that I was here, but I loved your site. Best of luck to and your family. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

toddlerplanet DATE:Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 10:23:00 AM EDT Dude. I miss you already. I wonder how long I'll keep coming here, wishing that you were here too? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 10:53:00 AM EDT I too an anonymous but stumbled on your blog because of the music aspect and have been enjoying your humor and insight into life. You are a wonderful mom and wife, musician and blogger, and I hope that some day you can return to blogging. Don't let the actions of an obviously unsetteled person run something wonderful like this. You will find a way to return bigger and better, perhaps become a speaker at the next Blogher about internet stalking.

Deb ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

No Minimom DATE:Wednesday, September 17, 2008 at 2:15:00 PM EDT This is horrible news! I'm so sorry she is doing this to you. How cruel to take away this special space from you.

I think you are doing the right thing though. If I were in your shoes, I would go totally password protected so you can still have your space with people you feel safe sharing that with.

I'm so so sorry you have to put up with this horrid behavior. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Candygirlflies DATE:Thursday, September 18, 2008 at 4:12:00 PM EDT Oh, sweetie... I'm just shattered that this has happened to you and your family.

Keep in touch, okay? Know that I am here, thinking of you.

xoxo CGF ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Becki DATE:Thursday, September 18, 2008 at 5:38:00 PM EDT So sorry you've had to do this :(

The one messing with you has to have some pretty bad karma. She thinks life isn't fair to her, but she's brought it all on herself.

{{hugs}} ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

MamaGeek @ Works For Us DATE:Thursday, September 18, 2008 at 10:51:00 PM EDT I, too, will miss you. You were the very first blog I ever subscribed to. Your words (and songs) were (and are) beautiful.

Best wishes are attached to this comment.

You're smart to protect what truly matters most. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

catcjk DATE:Sunday, September 21, 2008 at 4:33:00 PM EDT Marty,
Life never ever goes the way you want it to go.
You are you. You are fabulous. It's time to stand up to your psycho husband's ex-wife stalker lady (I'm so sorry you have to endure her) and let her know you are unperturbed and unafraid of her.
You know you will ALWAYS leave your son in a safe haven. You need not fear. She will never get to him because you make good choices.
Call the police if she continues to harrass you. She needs to understand the current situation and get the he** out of town.
Closing your blog is admitting defeat. NEVER let the crazy stalker woman defeat you. Be brave and continue. You are dealing with ONE crazy lady and hundreds of friends.
Hugs, moi ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

TinaGirl DATE:Sunday, September 21, 2008 at 8:24:00 PM EDT We will miss you and the wonderful stories of you, your husband, your children and friends. We will miss your insight and love, frustrations and accomplishments. We will miss you, Canape. I wish you well.

Tina Mickelson
http://thesortasinglemom.blogspot.com ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

FishyGirl DATE:Monday, September 22, 2008 at 2:29:00 PM EDT I lurked here forever, it seems, and then I got caught up in life and now I'm checking back in, and this. I am so so sorry that you are going through this. You're making the right decision for the circumstances, but I will miss you. Do please let me know where you are if you start up again. You can find me at my place or at DC Metro Moms. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jessica DATE:Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 9:22:00 PM EDT I'm just now, very slowly, coming back into the world of the healthy and living... I am shocked an dismayed to hear that "she" would even attempt to do such things to you and Guy. Although shocked maybe is the wrong word. People really don't shock me anymore...
I am sad to see you go, but give you so much credit for leaving. You are a very brave woman... Leaving it all behind. We love you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

whymommy DATE:Friday, September 26, 2008 at 7:42:00 AM EDT I just can't believe the blog is gone.

I miss it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Sarah DATE:Friday, September 26, 2008 at 10:30:00 AM EDT I'm sorry that this happened to you. I am glad that I knew you here. And I know that grief over the end of a blog is just as real as the flesh and blood people who read and comment. You have touched my life, and I wish you the best. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

becky @ misspriss DATE:Saturday, September 27, 2008 at 12:23:00 AM EDT Oh, I am so very sorry sweetie. That is just so unfair.

If you ever need an outlet and would like to do a guest post (even anonymously) you will always have a spot at my place. I mean that.

Big hugs to you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Clifford DATE:Tuesday, October 7, 2008 at 5:03:00 AM EDT Email. Me. Details and dirt. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Candygirlflies DATE:Wednesday, October 8, 2008 at 2:36:00 PM EDT Still missing you.

xoxoxo CGF ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

J from Ireland DATE:Thursday, October 16, 2008 at 8:00:00 PM EDT Oh my God, how awful. That makes me feel sick. Sorry to see you go. The very best of luck to you and your family. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

THE GRAMMARPHILE DATE:Saturday, October 18, 2008 at 6:06:00 PM EDT I'm so sorry that some big jerkface has made this necessary. Best of luck to you with everything. And don't stop writing...even if you just keep it totally private, for your eyes (or your family's eyes) only. :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Holli Seitz DATE:Wednesday, October 29, 2008 at 1:21:00 PM EDT I enjoy reading your blog and thought you might be interested in an upcoming invitation-only webinar for bloggers being held by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. It will focus on ways you and your family can protect yourself against the flu, and will be held on December 2 from 2-3 p.m. EST. Please save the date and watch for your official invitation e-mail from hseitz at cdc dot gov. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Lisa DATE:Tuesday, November 11, 2008 at 1:08:00 PM EST I am so very sorry this happened to you. And so very sad that you won't be blogging anymore. I'd been thinking of you and wondering how you've been, and how your little man is. I really loved reading your blog.

Wishing you all the best and that karma will give the person who terrorized you a swift kick! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Clifford DATE:Monday, November 17, 2008 at 11:34:00 PM EST I am publicly calling you out, M. (and hoping I spelled "publicly" right) Are we men? Are we MICE? Nay, we are MUSICIANS!!1!1!

Don't be a puss. Get back on the horse. That's an order, civilian.

MSgt Cliffie ----- --------