AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: None of us is the only one DATE: 12/30/2009 10:16:00 PM ----- BODY:
Why is that during the times I have the most to say, I find it hardest to say anything at all?

Two weeks ago, I had the most productive appointment with a health care professional that I've ever had in my life. I left it feeling defeated and broken. I thought I had received terrible news that would pigeon hole me and leave me with an unshakable stigma.

It only took four days after that for me to realize that I didn't care about the pigeon hole or the stigma. I felt so much better in just four days that I couldn't believe I ever cared about any of that.

I have clinical depression, but I don't look like those commercials you see on TV. I don't sit around in my pajamas and ignore all of the people around me. Mine manifests itself in anger, anxiety, and irrational reactions to stuff that should roll off my back.

When Sarah suggested that I start Zoloft, she might as well have said to me, "You are a complete failure, and you aren't capable of managing your life." I didn't want to hear that my issues weren't something that I could fix myself. Of course, that was some seriously small minded thinking. Because I am fixing them myself. Starting with an itty bity dose of Zoloft every night.

Four days. That's all it took for me to pull out of the black place I was in, look around, and realize that I should have done this so so so much sooner. It's not going to completely fix me, but it's helping me become a better mother and wife and person by allowing me to stand firmly on both feet. It's given me some stability.

It's taken me two weeks to write about this because I wasn't sure that I wanted it out there for everyone in the world to see. However, when I was feeling at my lowest after that appointment, I only knew one person to call for advice. Lucky for me, she answered the phone and talked to me as long as I needed to.

Since then, though, I've found out that I'm really not alone in this. More friends have stepped up with, "Me too." None of us is the only one.

So I'm out, and I'm saying that this is one of the better decisions in my life. A tiny little pill. A whole lot of clear headedness.

I'm on my way to being the wife and mother I should have been all along. It's a great feeling.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Stella DATE:Wednesday, December 30, 2009 at 11:26:00 PM EST Good. For. You!!
I hope you are so proud of yourself. You took a HUGE first step.

There are many of us standing with you. Know that you are NEVER, EVER, alone!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Mamma DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 1:25:00 AM EST I hope you know you can always call me. Always.

and...

me too. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous No Minimom DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 8:28:00 AM EST Me, too: "Mine manifests itself in anger, anxiety, and irrational reactions to stuff that should roll off my back."

Thanks to my good friend Lexapro, I feel downright NORMAL! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Beautifully Unique DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 10:02:00 AM EST Me too! And remember, I was one of those that thought people should just "suck it up and get over it." When I finally reached out to seek help, that little pill gave me my life back. Love ya lady!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Becki DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 10:35:00 AM EST So glad you're feeling better! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous the sandwich life DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 10:52:00 AM EST Congrats..... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Amy DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 11:42:00 AM EST Nope, you're definitely not the only one.

*Raises hand*

Me too. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Megan DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 1:27:00 PM EST I've been reading your blog for awhile, but don't think I've ever commented. Just wanted to say good for you!!!! And I'm very glad you're feeling better. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Amo DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 2:57:00 PM EST I'm so glad you found something that works and it is nothing to be ashamed about! Nothing! Whatever will help you enjoy life, do it! You only get this one chance as the person you are right now. Make it the best! Keep your head up and I'm glad you are feeling better! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Lisa DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 3:29:00 PM EST You are very wise. You are a wonderful mother and a talented, sweet woman. I learned the hard way: Better living through chemistry!

Love you! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bren DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 6:15:00 PM EST So glad to hear you are on your way to feeling better. Good for you on doing what you need to do. As a mom, the best thing we can do for our kids is take care of ourselves. (Did I just sound cliche? It's the honest truth, through and through.)

Best to you in the new year and can't wait to hear about the arrival of your new little one. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Susie DATE:Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 8:17:00 PM EST Oh Marty! I never knew how bad it was before I started the Zoloft and when I did, I did start to feel so much better. I too felt like I was giving up and giving in by accepting the presc. but at the same time, I knew I had to do something to help. Good for you for doing something for yourself and your family.

And absolutely not - you are not alone. Ever. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Friday, January 1, 2010 at 9:17:00 AM EST I am so proud of you! And I'm so glad Amie was there for you that day. So, so glad.

Happy New Year indeed! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous gail DATE:Friday, January 1, 2010 at 11:34:00 AM EST I'm proud of you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Stimey DATE:Sunday, January 3, 2010 at 12:59:00 PM EST Me too!

I'm glad you're feeling better. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Bubblewench DATE:Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 10:39:00 AM EST Awesome. I swear that if I didn't finally go to the doc and tell him what was wrong, I'd be dead by now. I love me some Lexipro! (zoloft doesn't work for me)

So glad that the dark is lifting, it's a great feeling. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Magpie DATE:Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 4:52:00 PM EST Me too. I think I'm on vitamin Z for life. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Issas Crazy World DATE:Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 10:32:00 PM EST Me too. It was one of the hardest office visits of my life. It's been two and a half years now. I will always be thankful that I made the choice to speak up that day. ----- --------