AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Don't take that tone with me DATE: 11/04/2009 07:00:00 AM ----- BODY:
It was a look and tone I was used to getting at the OB's office. It was what initially turned me off on their idea of care in the first place. I was surprised to get it from a midwife yesterday.

It has occurred to me that it might be me. I know, big fat duh. I don't mean though, that it is all me. Just that I might be a little overly sensitive at times (insert the raucous laughter of my husband here). Even so, that look and tone irk me.

The head cocks to one side. The eyebrows raise. The back of the pallette raises and they start their next sentence with "You knoooooooow, you are going to have to . . ."

Dude. I really really hate that.

Yesterday it was in regards to tandem nursing and making sure that Little Bird knows that when the baby comes, Mama's milk is for him.

Fine. Valid point. But my issue is that I've ALREADY BEEN THINKING ABOUT THAT. I don't need the cock and eyebrow. I don't need the tone of "I'm sure you are a moron who hasn't done any of your own preparation." I don't need the assumption that because you are my healthcare provider, you are a deity and need to preach to me.

Sensitive? I suppose so. It just bugs me.

There could be a much better approach. The question could be posed, "Have you thought about how you will help Bird understand what the baby needs when he gets here?" or "Do you think you will have any issues with Bird's nursing once the baby is here?" Something along those lines would start the same conversation, and would also validate the fact that I'm not a dumb ass.

Did I say any of that though? No. I'm such a weakling in an exam room. I should have said something. Instead I just reminded her that Bird is not even two yet, but that yes, we were reading books about new babies and talking about how he will have to share the na-na's because the baby will need them.

It felt like this midwife was telling me not to tandem nurse though, and that really surprised me. Last month, the midwife I saw practically gave me a bear hug when she asked how long I had nursed Bird and I said, "You mean this morning? About 10 minutes." She was really supportive of tandem nursing.

In the end, I guess I just have to stop being so damn sensitive and stop caring what anyone else thinks. It's not that I mean to care - I get a few hours away from it and realize that I've been wasting a bunch of time caring. It's stupid.

I'm going to make decisions that my OB wouldn't have liked. I'm going to make decisions that the midwives won't like. I'm a middle of the road mama, what can I say?

But the head cocking, eyebrow raising, here comes a lecture? I can totally do without that from anyone.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous slouchy DATE:Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at 8:23:00 AM EST keep after exactly what you want. don't let them get you down. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Red DATE:Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at 4:04:00 PM EST It is brilliant that you have kept nursing for this long, even more so that you plan on tandem nursing.

You are not the first to tandem with a toddler, so I don't really see the point of the lecture. Women's bodies are designed to provide for two (or more if necessary) children nursing. We rock! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Heather DATE:Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at 8:13:00 PM EST Delurking to send you some support.

I have a 23 month old and a 6 day old and the tandem nursing is going great. My 23 month old is only nursed before bed but he has no issues with the newborn nursing all day long :) I've explained to him that his milk comes at night and that the baby only drinks milk. I was worried how it would all work out but the first night I was home with the baby I was putting my toddler to bed and he said 'my turn for milk'. They are so much smarter than people give them credit for. We have had no issues with jealousy at all, he loves his new brother so much. There is more than enough milk for the both of them, people nurse triplets and more! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Mem DATE:Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at 8:51:00 PM EST if you want to talk about tandem nursing let me know i nursed stella until she was 2 1/2 and at that point henry was 1. henry nurses here and there- i assume he will nurse more when the milk is back and his lil brother is here. infact i anticipate stella questioning why she is the only one not nursing...
and you must tell me which midwife said that! i am appalled! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Marty, a.k.a. canape DATE:Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at 8:51:00 PM EST And today's comments? Remind me of why I love blogging. Thank you all so much. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Susie DATE:Friday, November 6, 2009 at 10:02:00 AM EST I know plenty of folks who have done the tandem nursing thing and it has worked. Usually my friends who have done it have just let the newborn nurse first and the toddler waits. There WILL be enough milk. And besides, even if you were not planning on tandem nursing - this is not the time to wean and make such a big transition. You do what works for you - your OB and your midwife do not live in your house or nurse your children. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Friday, November 6, 2009 at 8:09:00 PM EST Agreed. I like that you know what you want, and you know what your children need. ----- --------