AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Acting lessons DATE: 10/18/2009 11:01:00 PM ----- BODY:
He sits in his high chair and shakes his finger at me.

"No No NO NO!"

And with the final "NO," he pushes his plate away. Another mealtime takes a turn into a battle zone, and I find myself torn between not wanting my child to be hungry and not wanting to give in when all he wants to eat is peanut butter.

What bothers me more than the eating though is the look on his face. He had to learn that scowl somewhere. He had to learn that finger shaking from someone.

I'm afraid it's me.

This past week has been full of "MINE" and "NO." He spent the afternoon literally taking toys from a baby. He would take whatever the baby had and claim it as his own. If he wasn't taking things from the baby, he was taking things off coffee tables and countertops. It wasn't our house. I spent the afternoon chasing him down, shaking my finger at him, and saying, "No."

He will scowl and tell a stranger "NO" if they get too close to him. On the one hand, it's not such a bad thing, but I hate that it has been his default action this week.

Every time he scowls, yells, shakes a finger, or is generally ugly, a little piece of my heart breaks off because I'm quite sure that he learned it from me.

Starting at mealtime.

I am so frustrated by his refusal to put anything but grapes, bananas, yogurt, or peanut butter in his mouth. I lose my patience. I scowl. I point my finger.

It's not getting him to eat any better, but it's teaching him to act like me.

I don't want to be angry mommy. I don't want to raise angry son.

We need more smiles, and I'm scared of how I'll be when there's another one. Where will my patience leave me then? Why are there days when I get so frustrated that I don't even seem to enjoy being a mother?

I need an attitude adjustment. I need more smiling. I need more patience.

I also need for my child to eat a piece of meat and a vegetable EVER. But that's an issue for another day.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Nita DATE:Monday, October 19, 2009 at 7:09:00 AM EDT Remember the Ricky I used to talk about, that would eat whatever was put in front of him? Those days are LONG gone. These days it's chicken nuggets, hot dogs, PB&J and sweet potato fries. I tell myself as long as he is drinking his milk and eating those sweet potato fries that he is getting SOMETHING good.

But really - how good are sweet potato fries - like how good are they for you?

This too has been my greatest fear with introducing another one to our family - will I have the patience? Seems like it wouldn't be fair to the next child.

All of this to say you're not alone. I feel the exact same way sometimes. It has to be normal - right? :-) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Barry DATE:Monday, October 19, 2009 at 8:08:00 AM EDT Marty,

Lisa and I each have a picky eater and we have given in to them.

I'm not advocating it. I'm just reporting. It's possible that my Emma and her Will have super-sensitive taste buds and certain things overwhem their senses. It's also possible that they are just stubborn.

Separately, we each came to the point where, picking our battles and wanting pleasant mealtimes, we let them eat chicken nuggets, baked fries and pizza. (They do drink milk and V-8 Splash.)

Whatever you decide to do, just know that you have folks who love you, have been there and will not judge you either way.

It is a very hard set of choices.

Love you,

Barry ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Mem DATE:Monday, October 19, 2009 at 8:48:00 AM EDT when you have two you will have days that you will have sworn you never ever would have. that will be ok.
you will not raise an angry baby because you are parenting him. this too shall pass my love- he is learning that he has his own opinions and that he can assert himself. he is trying on his big boy pants. come spend the day with h and i and you will see much the same.
remain consistant in whatever your choices are and hug him later.
try to see the humor in his little grumpy dworf self right now...you will laugh about it later! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Kendra DATE:Monday, October 19, 2009 at 8:48:00 AM EDT My daughter is the same way. She used to eat anything and now almost everything is a struggle. I get frustrated and become the mom I don't want to be, so I understand where you are coming from. I haven't figured out how to stop myself from getting frustrated and letting me kids see it. At the end of the day, I tell them I'm sorry I was upset, we cuddle and I promise myself to try harder the next day. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Steph DATE:Monday, October 19, 2009 at 11:17:00 AM EDT It's his age. He can eat those things and still be ok. Just put new stuff on the tray/plate with his favorites and keep reintroducing the new things. He'll eventually eat something else and then you'll have a time when he wont touch what he loves now!

((HUGS)) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 12:45:00 PM EDT 1. Sweet potato fries TOTALLY count as a vegetable. As does ketchup.

2. He's learning how to take control of the little parts of his life that he can. There's not much when you're almost 2, so they take it where they can get it.

3. You're a beautiful, sweet, loving mom. Go back and read some of your posts about how happy you are to be home with him.

4. When new baby arrives, you'll grow this whole new space in yourself. I can't explain it -- and sometimes it still won't feel like enough -- but it will be there and you will all love each other and that will make it work.

5. I'm thinking I'll post my kids' food for a week to make all the other moms feel better. They eat lots of fruit, cheese, bread, crackers/cookies/snack mix and milk, but not much else. Like they're on a permanent French picnic.

You're not alone. And you and Bird and both just fine. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Convertible Girl DATE:Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 12:47:00 PM EDT Oh, and 6. It's easy for me to sound all calm posting comments, but I completely lose my cool when Pippi starts throwing her food on the floor and Junius starts whining at nearly every meal.

xo ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Amo DATE:Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 3:53:00 PM EDT Oh, I feel your pain! My son has been a picky eater since day one. He is now 14 months old and will still only eat baby food, plus a few other things. I finally got him to eat scrambled eggs this morning for breakfast for the first time. We will see how long that lasts. Feeding time has been a frustration for me since the beginning. Breastfeeding didn't work b/c I never produced enough milk, and then when he started eating solids, he threw up a lot and refused to eat. It has been a daily battle and i get frustrated a lot, but I try to keep smiling at him even though I want to throw a temper tantrum! And, yes, sometimes I do throw a temper tantrum! ----- --------