AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Here's the can and there are worms everywhere DATE: 4/24/2008 10:43:00 AM ----- BODY:

I have always read mommyblogs. The first two that I started reading were Kristen and Zoot. From there, I just followed links and made my way through the mommyblogosphere finding other blogs that I liked as well.

I wasn't a mommy then. I wasn't even pregnant.

After several months of blogging for me, my friend Bach, and Susan, I did get pregnant. Somewhere along the lines, other people started reading here, and when I had my miscarriage, out came the comments of support from people I didn't even know were there. I soon discovered sitemeter and technorati and the fact that there is a whole community of bloggers who can become your friends.

Now that I am a mommy, I find myself at a loss for words in this space. I've talked extensively about breastfeeding, and it was extremely helpful to have everyone supporting me through that. I wouldn't still be nursing today without it.

But really, I don't know what else to say anymore. I'm not sure I can find my voice as a blogger who has become a mommy. I'm not sure that my voice as just me can speak freely either.

There is a problem. Lovely's mother reads these words and then plays Spanish Inquisition with her about the bits and pieces she learns here. That is completely unfair to Lovely. I try to not let the knowledge that Guy's Ex comes here factor into my writing, but of course I do put a censor on some things because of it. Now that a simple post about house hunting caused Lovely pain upon returning to her mom's house, I question whether or not even having the blog is worth it.

Of course, the Ex claims not to read it. She claims not to be here. So I'm banking on the fact that if she really wants for her daughter to believe that, she won't hold this post against Lovely and be angry for her telling us that she is tired of getting yelled at and having questions about us fired at her. Because if she does, then Lovely will know that she is lying when she tells her she doesn't read my words.

It's hard to know what to do.

I don't want to keep up a boring blog just to have it simply exist.

I don't want to give Guy's ex-wife information to hold against her daughter.

I don't want to quit writing though.

By the way, while I'm outing the Ex, I should mention that she prefers to go by "Wife #1" which is okay with me. I would much rather be Guy's second and last wife than the first wife anyway. Out of respect to her wishes, I'll stop calling her the Ex and make the polite switch to Wife #1. That should make her somewhat happy.

Edited to add:
Please don't leave disparaging comments about Wife #1 since this isn't her space and she can't really defend herself here except through leaving a comment. I don't want it to turn into a comment war. Besides, I know what you cats are capable of with your words. Hissssss.

Labels: Blogging Innards, General Bitching, Things I Should Keep to Myself

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

twithhoney DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 11:50:00 AM EDT I have seen a few other bloggers in the same or a similar predicament. Some quit blogging - the child/family was too important to them. Others started a new blog, one they kept anonymous. If readers wanted to know the new blog's URL they could request it by email.

The new anonymous blog allowed them to write about whatever they wanted to. By having readers request the new URL by email they could keep trusted readers and maintain their secret. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Becki DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 11:50:00 AM EDT Hope things get better, for Lovely's sake :)

{{hugs}} ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Andria and Co. DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 12:09:00 PM EDT Hmm. The problem with a new blog, is that certain PEOPLE know who your friends are. They click out, and visit those blogs. I am predicting, that if you abandoned this blog, a certain PERSON would stalk all of your friends, and go through their comments, trying to find you. KWIM?

I hope things improve. That poor little girl... That's all I'm going to say. Just, that poor girl. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mamma DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 12:13:00 PM EDT You cannot stop blogging. Nope. Sorry.

Pull and Ivy Brown. Change your URL and email your readers the new link. We'll follow. I promise.

But you're not allowed to stop. If it weren't for blogging, I'd never have you for a friend and that is NOT okay.

And give Lovely a squeeze for me. Hope things are better for her--especially at this tough age. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Sarah and Shannon DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 12:29:00 PM EDT Oh, these blogs, they do cause trouble. I know what you mean, though. I gave up Mommy, Ph.D. even though I loved it. I hope things get better--I'd hate to lose your voice. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 1:32:00 PM EDT I know that is a super difficult place to be. I have another friend in a similar situation. She went to an anonymous blog with an email invite only link.

What about making this an invite only blog? I know other people that do that.

I would hate to have you not blog. Because then I'd have to acutally use a phone and call you once a week to check in and find out how cute Christopher has gotten. And well, I'm not a phone person. But if that is the path you choose, I would understand and suck it up and use the damn phone.

I'm sorry you're stuck. I hope you get unstuck soon.

(ps. talked husband into coming to see you all in late summer.. I will HAVE to talk to you soon about the trip and dates! Hope there's golf near you, otherwise I lied! I'm very excited - and was going to wait to make that announcement but blah - here it is!) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

k DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 3:12:00 PM EDT I could say alot here but I'm not. What I will say is I'm sorry your in this position, and I hope it all works out...I love your blog :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

K DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 8:35:00 PM EDT I'd miss you also. Hope things improve. Sometimes talking about things helps? I'm not a mom but I do enjoy reading! :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Steph DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 8:47:00 PM EDT (((HUGS))) I hope things get better for Lovely's sake too. I enjoy reading your blog, but understand that feel like you cant write freely! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

useless_rambler DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 9:40:00 PM EDT Poor Lovely :( That's just sad.

I know what you mean, tho. I censor, for different reasons, but I do. My blog is so vanilla compared to what I'd really like to say. I've often thought of going completely anon, not even telling the hubs. Maybe someday...

I'm just glad my ex is computer illiterate... otherwise, I'd probably never have started!!

Hugs to you & Lovely!
xoxox ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Candygirlflies DATE:Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 9:51:00 PM EDT Poor Lovely. Blessings to you for making it so clear that HER feelings are so important. You are a good woman, Canape, and a great mom.

If you need to make this blog "invite-only", we, your friends, will understand! Just be sure to add me to your list, okay? As long as you're writing, I'll be out here reading.

Love to you-- xo CGF ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

DC DATE:Friday, April 25, 2008 at 12:53:00 AM EDT Unfortunately, rectal cranial impaction happens sometimes.

Don't let it stifle your voice. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

pastormargaret DATE:Friday, April 25, 2008 at 9:31:00 PM EDT My "mother tiger" instinct threatens to say a thing or two myself. How dare anyone use a child in such a way? Grrrrrr. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

labugga DATE:Friday, April 25, 2008 at 9:53:00 PM EDT I have no words. I don't understand, and I'm sorry. But if it wasn't a blog post, would it be something else? I would hate for you to give up your outlet only to find something else opens the can again.

Hugs to you and your Lovely. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Space Mom DATE:Friday, April 25, 2008 at 10:42:00 PM EDT Poor Lovely. She doesn't deserve that. Can she make her feelings known? That she doesn't want to be a go between?

You should not hide your voice. Say what you need. Obviously, you should not violate Lovely's privacy, but you should certainly feel comfortable writing about your life. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jenn DATE:Saturday, April 26, 2008 at 12:32:00 PM EDT I can't imagine what possesses some people. Your outlet is exactly that YOUR outlet. Hopefully you can find a level of sharing vs. censorship that is perfect for your needs.

Lovely knows how much you love her as a person in her own right and as Guy's daughter. She's so lucky to have you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

whymommy DATE:Saturday, April 26, 2008 at 3:52:00 PM EDT Yowsers. I'd hate to see you leave, but understand your concern for Lovely.

Poor babe. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Heather L. DATE:Saturday, April 26, 2008 at 5:46:00 PM EDT I hope things get better. :) I am also always worried that someone i know will find my blog, which is probably why i haven't written on mine in a while. I would be sad if you stopped blogging. :( I would understand but i would be sad. You helped me in my darkest hour. :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Kathy's Surprise Party DATE:Tuesday, April 29, 2008 at 5:51:00 PM EDT In the last 7 months I have felt the same way about blogging - well mostly. I haven't had time, feel stupid and can't think straight from lack of sleep - so blogging is tough. Please stick it out. It will get easier to juggle, and all those other bloggers out there really help you when you need it most. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

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