AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Nudges DATE: 8/11/2009 03:03:00 PM ----- BODY:

Dear Butterbean,

You aren't even here yet, and I already feel like a failure as your mother. By this time in my pregnancy with Little Bird, he had dozens of posts about him. I thought of him constantly. I never felt alone. Even when he was still in my belly, I thought of "me and the baby."

I must confess, I don't think of you that way. Or at least I haven't started to yet. Sometimes, in my food and drink choices, I even forget for a moment that I'm pregnant. Then, as a second child myself, I replacing forgetting with an overwhelming guilt.

I think things are turning around though. Just a few days ago, I felt you move. Your big brother was climbing on me while we were having book time on the couch. He stepped on my belly, and you answered back with a little nudge.

It was the first time that I felt like the mother of two.

In about two weeks, we will find out if you are a boy or a girl. We already have names picked out for either case, and I will be happy no matter what. But I think of you in terms of a brother or a sister instead of my little boy or little girl.

I guess that's because your big brother is right here in front of me. You won't understand this for a long time, but he is still just a baby himself. He still wears diapers. He still eats with his fingers. He still sleeps in the crib that will become yours, and he still nurses from the same "nuh-nuh's" that will feed you.

He is still my baby.

But you will be my baby too. And I'm learning a little better every day how to love you both. In the meantime, keep nudging me. Every little flutter nudges my heart closer to you.

I can't wait to see you again at the end of August. I do love you.

Sincerely,
Your mama

Labels: Butterbean

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Lizzy DATE:Tuesday, August 11, 2009 at 4:16:00 PM EDT <3 <3 <3 ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Convertible Girl DATE:Tuesday, August 11, 2009 at 9:40:00 PM EDT As a firstborn, I worried a lot about how cheated my second one would feel. Then I realized, after watching her with her brother -- she's SO lucky because he's always been there, this other little person in the family to love her.

Plus, she gets the added benefit of a much more relaxed mommy. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amo DATE:Tuesday, August 11, 2009 at 10:46:00 PM EDT I loved this letter. It is so true. I have often thought about what would happen when I have a second child and my first is no longer the only center of my universe. Can there be two centers to my universe? I hope we will find out soon...Anyway, great blog! This is my first visit! I added you to my blog list because I really enjoyed it! Thanks! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Susie DATE:Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 11:37:00 AM EDT Sigh..... peaceful sigh.... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mrs. Chicken DATE:Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 4:55:00 PM EDT You know how much I worried about this. And you know what? Today, The Poo went to school and I had The Babyman all to myself. And he is every inch my little boy.

It comes, I promise. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Becki DATE:Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 9:37:00 PM EDT Awww...how very sweetly written :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jill DATE:Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 10:48:00 PM EDT I remember forgetting I was pregnant the second time around. With my first pregnancy not a waking moment went by that I didn't think about being pregnant and the baby to be. But with my second I would go long periods of time not thinking about being pregnant at all, then all the sudden it would hit me... dude! I'm pregnant! I thought I must really be losing it, but see you do it too, so it's not so bad!! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

@sweetbabboo DATE:Monday, August 17, 2009 at 11:23:00 PM EDT I love this post. I almost makes me want to try for another one... almost, but nope not yet.

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Tuesday, August 18, 2009 at 1:54:00 PM EDT What a touching letter to little BB. You are totally awesome. ----- --------