AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Long term memory DATE: 10/08/2009 09:21:00 PM ----- BODY:

Long term memory. It doesn't kick in until around four, my friend Dave said while he was visiting. I've been thinking about that a lot lately.

There are so many things that I wish Little Bird would remember. I wish that he would remember the They Might Be Giants concert. All the details, down to "no NOOOOOOO!" as he sang along with the band. I know that it made an impact on him because he frequently requests "Giants" when we get in the car, but I know that he won't remember that afternoon.

I wish that he would remember eating popsicles on the porch while the dogs chase him around, waiting for a drip or two. He only scolds the big lab though, turning to him and saying, "No, no, Gibby, no no!" Poor Gibson. Even the toddler scolds him.

The five minutes of deep full on belly laughter that occurs between bath time and book time, while his daddy tickles him on our bed - I can video it, but I wish that he would be able to store it in his memory.

Of course, these first few years that he won't remember, I guess they are giving me a little grace too. He won't remember that I lost my temper that day and broke his crib. He won't remember when his daddy misses dinner because he's working. He won't remember how badly it hurt for all of those teeth to come in, and how slowly it happened.

He also won't remember being my only baby. He won't remember having 100% of my attention most of the time. But I will. Fondly. I'm looking forward to being the mama of two boys, but I can't help but wonder if Bird got the best of times. The just he and I times. If so, that long term memory, rather the lack thereof, means that it will be my little secret at least.

Labels: Bird, My Life, On parenthood

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

@sweetbabboo DATE:Thursday, October 8, 2009 at 11:18:00 PM EDT This is a beautiful post. It is tragically beautiful.

It's so hard as a parent knowing that they won't remember but also realizing how much of their brain is developing and needing to nurture that. I wish they could remember it all but as you said, at least I will.

-Abby ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Beautifully Unique DATE:Friday, October 9, 2009 at 12:54:00 AM EDT Great post! He may not have the memories but he has a great mommy that is recording everything for him. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Al_Pal DATE:Friday, October 9, 2009 at 9:34:00 AM EDT Very very sweet. Lovely. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

pastormargaret DATE:Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 7:04:00 PM EDT This grandparent wishes for memory too. Will our grandchildren remember us when they are the ages of our children? Will we have had the same impact on their lives? Any sadness I have about illness is that I won't be here long enough to make memories with the grands. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Susie DATE:Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 7:22:00 PM EDT Sigh....

The bittersweet of parenthood. You have put it so beautifully. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Amo DATE:Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 10:13:00 PM EDT This is a very sweet post. I too worry that my second child will get jipped b/c he or she will have to share my attention with another. My son got ALL of my attention. I wonder...it does make me sad that he won't remember certain things. But, before four, even if they don't remember, they are developing self-confidence and a love for life that they will carry with them forever. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

whymommy DATE:Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 7:55:00 PM EDT Whoa, excellent points. But the more you talk with him about "when he was little," I think the more he will remember....

It was great to see you last week -- we're so happy to be home! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Becki DATE:Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 9:49:00 PM EDT Wow. Thought provoking. And a little sad. I don't remember much about being a little kid... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 9:41:00 AM EDT Very beautiful. He is getting so big so fast. What matters is you will always remember. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Single Mom Seeking DATE:Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 4:27:00 PM EDT I love this post, too!

I can't help but wonder, however, if some part of our consciousness DOES remember those first few years? Doesn't our body hold onto certain memories, even if we don't intellectually remember them? I think about this often. ----- --------