AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: I should be shushed DATE: 5/19/2008 10:21:00 PM ----- BODY:

See this? This is a happy, laughing baby. This is my happy laughing baby. This is what I get to hang out with for most of the day.

There is another side to him though. Something new has transpired.

Bird hates to go to sleep.

I know when he is getting sleepy. He makes it very obvious. When the signs occur, we move to his nursery, I swaddle him, and we either walk or rock until he is out. Sometimes we nurse to sleep.

Since Friday though? As soon as he realizes that I'm about to swaddle and walk him? He breaks out into panicked wailing. It escalates to a wail-gasp-wail-gasp frenzy faster than I can shush and walk.

I rub his little head. I kiss his cheek. I shush him in his ear. I hold him tightly so he can't flail. I rock him. I walk him. I sway with him.

He screams.

Tonight? I yelled at him. I yelled "stop" and I yelled his name. I would like to say that I had to yell to be heard over him. That would be true, except that deep down, I know I yelled out of frustration. It did get his attention, but is that really how I want to start getting the attention of my child? By yelling at him?

I'm not a yeller. I hate yelling. I grew up with lots of yelling. I don't want to live in a yelling house. And yet, I yelled at my baby.

He's just a baby. He can't help it. The problem is, I can't help it either because I don't know what is wrong. He's dry, he has been fed, he is clean and has been played with. He is tired. Tired and unwilling to go to sleep.

The frantic wailing? Is going to send me over the edge I'm afraid.

It hasn't felt like this since he was 10 days old and was crying nonstop for hours. I just sat in the rocking chair with him and cried right along. It was all I could do then.

I thought I had grown past that. Instead I found myself sitting in that rocking chair again tonight, rocking and crying right along with the wailing Bird. Hating myself for having raised my voice at him already in his young life.

I feel like a monster. Yelling at a baby.

Mother of the year, I am.

Labels: Bird, On parenthood, Stupid Me

----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

slouchy DATE:Monday, May 19, 2008 at 10:38:00 PM EDT Oh, hon.

We've all done it. We've all been there.

You are no monster, promise.

xo ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

TheMusingMommy DATE:Monday, May 19, 2008 at 11:49:00 PM EDT I don't know if this is true or not, but I've heard that babies go through this "thing" around 4 months old (is that how old he is now?), and it sounds pretty much how you described it: lots of crying for no apparent reason. My daughter did it for two weeks around 4 months. It made me feel better to know that it was possibly a phase "thing." And yeah, I did some yelling, too.

Hang in there. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Two Lines On a Stick DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 12:23:00 AM EDT I've done it too. Not that it makes it right, but I've been there. I know the desperate feeling and the not knowing what to do. You are a good mommy. Bird loves you and for the next few years, you will be perfect in his eyes. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Bubblewench DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 6:37:00 AM EDT Oh gosh! That happens to all of us.. moms, aunts...

You'll get through this being the awesome mommy you are. Hugs and love to you. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Michelle Lynn DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 8:51:00 AM EDT Yep, I shamefully admit to yelling at mine before too. I hope he settles down for you soon. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 9:28:00 AM EDT You are not the first and will certainly not be the last mom to lose her patience with a wailing baby. We've all done it. Its hard when you don't know what else to do, but eventually you'll get back to a good routine. I agree with themusingmommy, I think there is a phase they go through around that age that makes life difficult again, just when you think you've finally got it all under control. Good luck! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Anonymous DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 9:55:00 AM EDT Don't worry about the yelling! It will pass, and you too will learn not to yell. About the sleep, like a PP said, around 4 months this can happen. Also, he might be telling you he is done with swaddling. My daughter let me know in the most unpleasant way which sound a little like what your bird is doing. It will pass in a few days or a week, but I am sorry it is happening now! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Andria and Co. DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 10:19:00 AM EDT We've all been there. Blake and Ailane both went through the same stage around that age... just wait it out, it will get better. I promise. Blake has slept through the night for over a month now, and I am finally feeling like I am rested. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Candygirlflies DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 1:30:00 PM EDT Don't worry, sweetie... we've all been where you are right now.

(((hug)))

Go easy on yourself... This being-a-mother stuff is NO picnic, sometimes.

You're still doing great, in my books. You're just human, that's all!!

xoxo CGF ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Space Mom DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 1:44:00 PM EDT BTDT. My Soleil was a screamer.
Check if he is going through a growth spurt. Those make kids scream for no reason. I hated those!

HUGS... YOU ARE NORMAL! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Stimey DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 5:28:00 PM EDT I have also yelled at a baby. I know it probably doesn't make you feel better, but you are not alone. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Daily Verses DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 8:22:00 PM EDT It happens. Don't beat yourself up over it- you are a wonderful, caring, compassionate mama. Sleep issues will wear you down. Hang in there. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mrs. Chicken DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 10:35:00 PM EDT Honey, been there and done that.

I have a secret - you will do it again.

It makes you human. Forgive yourself and remember that he knows you love him beyond reason. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

HeatherK DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 10:56:00 PM EDT Been there. Done that. Four months is a crazy sleep time as someone else mentioned. The crazy sleep stuff? It isn't your or anything you are or aren't doing. It's the boy and his neurons synapsing or whatever they do. He'll mellow out in a while yet. Hear that, bird? mellow. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jenn DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 11:04:00 PM EDT Put my name on the list. I've done it with both of mine.

You are a great Momma. Bird is an awesome boy.

Now if only parenting were like cooking. We'd have a recipe to tell us exactly what and how much to do and when. Now wouldn't that be nice? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

AcadeMama DATE:Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 11:24:00 PM EDT Sometimes we do need to be shushed. Your instinct is right and there's a way to follow it.

My first daughter was not a "sleepy baby." She didn't nap often and when she did nap, it didn't last long. I remember the frustration like it was yesterday. I remember wanting to scream as loud as she was. I remember what I did instead: I swaddled her tightly, put her in the crib, and walked out of the room. I just needed a time out, just 5-10 minutes. I don't follow the let-them-cry-forever camp, and that 5-10 minutes *felt* like forever. But, when I walked back in the room she was okay. She may have still been crying, but sometimes she wasn't. Either way, I had calmed down and somehow mustered the strength to give it another try, if one was even needed. It felt better to know that she'd been crying for a few minutes on her own, than it would have if I'd lost control of myself and raised my voice at her.

Now that she's 9, though, the raising my voice thing happens on a daily basis. I'm working on it.

We're all doing the best we can...and you're doing a great job! Hang in there... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Clifford DATE:Wednesday, May 21, 2008 at 1:46:00 AM EDT Wailing loudly and screaming for no apparent reason...hmmm. Did you give birth to Glenn Danzig? ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Becki DATE:Wednesday, May 21, 2008 at 12:36:00 PM EDT We've all been there. Hopefully he grows through it quickly. And of course, he knows you love him. Don't sweat the yelling...
{{hugs}} ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

The Laundress DATE:Thursday, May 22, 2008 at 9:35:00 AM EDT Oh mamma, I've been there too.

I just wrote a post about when Fa was about 4 months old...Gah. I was terrible. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

the new girl DATE:Friday, May 23, 2008 at 9:46:00 PM EDT Oh man, are you bringing back memories for me. I yelled at my girl, too. And I'm sure that I'll yell again. It's a sad feeling but you're certainly no monster.

It's mad pressure that shrieking wail.

Gives me shudders to think of it. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Tiffany DATE:Friday, May 23, 2008 at 11:16:00 PM EDT You are a great Momma! Prayse is now 10 months old and we have just established a pattern where sleep is a good and welcome thing. It takes time and the hysterics did start right at 4 months. She isn't a sleeper and it took a lot of time and patience and working together.

You and bird will work together and find a good fit for the both of you.

You are doing an awesome job! ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Mutt DATE:Sunday, May 25, 2008 at 4:55:00 PM EDT I've yelled and I've cried with my son. He's 2 1/2 now and once in a while we still yell and cry. We try very hard to stay calm and patient, but after so many days and hours it's tough. When I feel the pressure rising where I want to yell I give myself a time out. I put Peanut somewhere and tell him mommy needs a minute. I take deep breaths, I hit a pillow, I do something reasonable to let out some stress, then go back with a lighter heart.

Some times I still sit in the chair with him and cry. He tells me to stop crying because it will be ok. He tells me he loves me. Somehow we get through it all and you will too.

Just when you think you have something figured out, babies change the rules. You will always be trying to figure it out. Enjoy the times between changes and know that things will settle down. It's rough, but great. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

mamma knows DATE:Sunday, May 25, 2008 at 10:50:00 PM EDT Been there, this mama thing is the hardest job I've had yet, not to mention the pay, but I wouldn't trade it for anything! It will get better, just a phase with lots more to follow, hang in there your an awesome mom. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

flutter DATE:Monday, May 26, 2008 at 2:20:00 AM EDT you sound human to me. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:

Jan DATE:Tuesday, May 27, 2008 at 8:44:00 PM EDT I've yelled. And felt bad for a very long time. I do know when my boy was about 4 months and suddenly decided he wasn't going to sleep with any amount of bouncing, rocking or walking, I picked that time to start transitioning him into laying him down and letting him put himself to sleep. That seemed to be what he wanted or what he needed. ----- --------