AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Butterfly Baby DATE: 3/14/2007 08:50:00 PM ----- BODY:
It's been several days since I have been very positive. About motherhood and pregnancy in particular. It's been several sort of down in the blues days. My homework this week from my therapist was this:

When I start thinking those black thoughts, think of 3 things I am grateful for and how they make me feel.

I could only think of two. She didn't take points off, but of course then I started worrying about how I could only think of two things for which I'm really grateful, and one of them I just kind of said because I was really going to feel bad if I had only thought of one.

I am happy to report that I now have my third thing.

There is a blog I found through Babes in Blogland called Twisted Ovaries. The first post I read was The News. It was such a perfect post. She and her husband, after battles upon battles with infertility, have found out some news. I'm not telling it here, because you really have to read her words.

Today, I checked in on her while I was waiting for a student. There is fear, uncertainty, and nerves in the writing that makes you feel like you are sitting right there with her.

And then, at the end of her post, I stopped myself from crying, and I realized that I have my third thing.


I am grateful that I saw my baby's heartbeat.

To steal from this writer, I imagine if I put the heartbeat up to my face, it would feel like butterfly wings.


Whatever fear I have of getting pregnant again, or not getting pregnant again and whatever black thoughts I might continue to have - I have my three things now. The third one being those butterfly wings.

She has turned off comments for now, and understandably so. If for some reason though, she ever stops by and finds this, I want her to know that I think that post was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 1:18:00 AM EDT I went to read that, and you're right, it is beautiful. I also like something from her post today, "I honestly looked at that and thought it was a fucking miracle, and I don't feel stupid for saying that." Right on. It is. It always is. I'm glad she got her miracle.

I've got my fingers crossed and I'm praying for yours. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Twisted Ovaries DATE:Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 2:25:00 AM EDT Thank you for the very nice write-up. Maybe if I pop back in here again, you can be one of my three good things, because it sounds like we can both do with some hope. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Twisted Ovaries DATE:Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 2:26:00 AM EDT PS-your post also made me tear up :) ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Amy DATE:Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 8:49:00 AM EDT I have chills. Amazing. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Oh, The Joys DATE:Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 8:54:00 AM EDT Wow. The quote is certainly breathtaking. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous gail DATE:Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 10:43:00 AM EDT yeah for three things.... ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Mom Ma'am Me DATE:Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 3:46:00 PM EDT Wow. That was beautiful. Thanks for sharing. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Paper Whore DATE:Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 3:54:00 PM EDT I love the butterfly wings analogy! That's just beautiful.

- Karaoke Diva ----- --------