AUTHOR: Marty, a.k.a. canape TITLE: Every moment of forever DATE: 12/31/2006 01:21:00 AM ----- BODY:
It is late. I have slept so much the past two days that I find myself awake at 1:21 AM. Awake laying next to my husband. So as I lie here (totally unsure of the use of lay and lie), I can stare at him while I type this (thanks to high school typing class). And I can tell you that I married the most wonderful man in the world.

He is why I will get through this. Not because I am not strong enough on my own, but because I want to be better for him. I want to get up and be with him. Try again. Get better and move on so that I don't miss a moment of life with him.

Cheesy? Perhaps. True? Most definately.

He said that I can take as long as I need and be as sad as I feel. I will. There is no getting around that. I still feel like they sucked out my heart along with everything else 2 nights ago. I am still empty and lonely. I still cry, and I still feel like I will always miss this baby.

What I am saying though is that I don't want to stay that way. 24 hours ago, I was convinced that I did. Convinced that I wanted to remain in the sorrow and loss of my baby. It felt like the sorrow was all I had left of my baby, so that is where I planned to stay.

The more room that Guy gives me to grieve though, and the more support he shows when I need it just lets me know that it won't last forever. I will be able to move on eventually.

He said today that I will be sad forever at the loss of my baby. I just won't be sad every moment of forever.

Time for a cuddle. Sleepy Guy is calling.

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----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Emmakirst DATE:Sunday, December 31, 2006 at 1:22:00 PM EST So very sorry for your loss. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Marty, a.k.a. canape DATE:Sunday, December 31, 2006 at 2:20:00 PM EST Thank you so much. It may not seem like much, but every comment helps not to feel quite as alone. Thanks. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous whymommy DATE:Sunday, December 31, 2006 at 3:23:00 PM EST You are NOT alone. You are part of a vast community of women who have struggled to get and stay pregnant, and you will get through this. We will get through this. I promise. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Robbin DATE:Sunday, December 31, 2006 at 4:22:00 PM EST I cannot imagine your loss. So very sorry. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Sarah DATE:Sunday, December 31, 2006 at 9:49:00 PM EST This is so hard--I suffered a miscarriage myself in May, and my baby would have been born last week. I just wanted to say that I feel for you and you're not alone. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Marty, a.k.a. canape DATE:Sunday, December 31, 2006 at 10:59:00 PM EST Thanks everybody. Sarah, I have already worried about the due date. That had to have been hard and I'm not looking forward to it. Thanks for the support. ----- COMMENT: AUTHOR:Anonymous Kim DATE:Monday, January 1, 2007 at 4:31:00 AM EST My deepest sympathies to Canape, Guy and Lovely for the loss of their beloved baby, Cleatus. You and your family will be in my thoughts, and I am glad that such a caring family has one another during this difficult time. Hugs to all of you. ----- --------